The Power of Solution-Focused Questions for the ADHD Brain

How often do you find your ADHD brain ruminating in a loop of unanswered questions?  They may sound something like:

• Why can’t I focus?
• Why is my colleague so much more productive?
• What are they thinking about that email I sent?
• Why am I always running 20 minutes late?

In episode 235 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, we’re exploring an important approach to asking the “right” questions, which will not only help you stop the spin cycle, but also shift into action. 

By the end of this episode, you’ll have a step-by-step action plan that helps you ask powerful, solution-focused questions that give your brain the direction and clarity it craves. 

https://youtu.be/liFSIHaTxGU

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.   

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript. 

In This Episode, You Will Discover

• Why it’s important to ask the “right” questions whenever you’re feeling stuck
• Key characteristics of problem-focused and solution-focused questions
• A step-by-step practice to shift into asking more solution-focused questions in your daily life

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Episode #235: The Power of Solution-Focused Questions for an ADHD Brain (Transcript) 

Today we’re taking a deep dive into the power of questions and how to ask the “right” questions. You see, I’ve found that our automatic brains often get stuck in the pattern of asking the “wrong” questions, which ultimately keep us spinning in indecision, feeling completely disempowered, overwhelmed, and frozen.

Now for context, when we think about this concept of right and wrong questions, you might also think about them through the lens of solution-focused questions vs. problem-focused questions.

As we will talk about much more in-depth today, our automatic brains tend toward problem-focused questions first. These are the questions I’m calling the “wrong” questions, and they look like focusing solely on the problem and its impact.

What I want to propose is that, I think it’s incredibly beneficial for our brains to shift into solution-focused questions whenever we’re feeling stuck, frustrated, overwhelmed, and lacking control.

Whenever it seems like everything is just happening around you and to you and you’re grasping for a sense of direction and control and certainty, this is when solution-focused questions – what I’m calling asking the “right” questions – become especially impactful. 

Now, as I mentioned, I don’t usually like to use the binary of “right” and “wrong” questions because there is no such thing. It truly is a subjective concept. But when we think about times when we’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated, and need a sense of direction, I do think the best way to support ourselves is to step away from the problem-focused questions and start asking solution-focused questions instead.

In that context, I do this the solution-focused question is the right type of question to ask.

Before we go any further, I do want to note that while I tend to avoid binaries of “right” and “wrong” questions, in this situation, I’m going to use it because once we start shifting our approach to asking questions and we start thinking through the lens of these “right” questions, you’ll find that you can shift out of indecision and into action so much faster.

So by the end of this episode, you’ll walk away with a clear idea of what I mean by asking the “right” question and also how to start shifting your thinking to focus on the “right’ question more often.

We’re going to talk about:

• Why asking the “right” questions is so important in helping us move forward.
• Examples of what asking the “wrong” question looks like and then how we might tweak that to make it a question that’s really supportive for our brains, and for our goals.
• Ways that you can apply this concept in your life with the questions you ask yourself each day.

Why does asking the right question matter?

When we focus on asking the right questions, it makes a powerful impact on our problem-solving, clarity, and our overall understanding, and this is for several reasons:

1. Shift in Focus:

When we ask the right questions, it helps us shift our focus from dwelling on problems to seeking solutions.

If I keep asking myself, “Why can’t I just make dinner without so much resistance like so and so,” I feel stuck, inadequate, and frustrated.

However, when I shift that question just slightly to “How can I remove the friction between me and making dinner at 6:00 each night?” I’m directing my energy in a useful direction toward finding actionable steps rather than dwelling on the challenge.

2. Provides a Sense of Control:

By crafting the right questions, we also empower ourselves in our situation. It moves us out of a passive mindset of “Why is this happening to me?” to an active mindset of “What can I do about it?” This sense of agency puts us in the driver’s seat and can be much more empowering.

3. Clarification of Goals:

The right questions help clarify goals and objectives. For instance, asking, “What am I completing during this time today?” encouraged me to articulate my priorities.

This clarity help me create a clear roadmap of action steps rather than spinning of overwhelm in the big picture of “all the things” and never getting anything done.

4. Deconstruct Problems:

When we ask effective questions, it helps us break down complex problems into manageable parts.

Rather than asking, “why am I so bad with my time?” and instead asking, “What are the specific challenges I face with time management?” we have a much clearer obstacle to overcome.

It allows us to more easily identify and then address the areas that require scaffolding and then start building it.

5. Enhanced Self-Awareness:

The process of asking powerful reflective questions also helps foster self-awareness. Rather than asking, “why am I always so overwhelmed?” You might instead ask questions like, “How do I typically respond to feeling overwhelmed? Are there patterns in my behavior?”

This slight shift in question encourages us to explore our own reactions and behaviors, which is crucial for making informed decisions and continued growth overall.

6. Encourages Learning and Adaptation:

The right questions foster a mindset of continuous learning and adaptation. When we start asking questions like, “What can I learn from this experience?” we are more likely to view our obstacles and challenges as opportunities for growth.

7. Promotes Positive Self-Talk:

Asking constructive questions contributes to positive self-talk. Instead of reinforcing negative beliefs with questions like, “Why am I always failing?” we can reframe our internal dialogue by asking, “What am I celebrating today? What went well”

This shift in language promotes a more optimistic and resilient mindset.

–

So again, it’s no secret that I love good questions.

When we start focusing on the right questions…

• It helps us find practical answers
• Contributes to a clearer understanding of the situation
• Fosters self-awareness
• Promotes an empowered mindset to start taking action on the steps

“Wrong” Questions VS. “Right” Questions

Alright. You might be asking yourself, “But Paula, how do I know if I’m asking the right or the wrong question? How can you tell?”

Great question!

Also, it’s important to mention that categorizing a question as “wrong” or “right” is completely subjective and also depends on the context of the specific goals, circumstances, your expectations, which is why I’m always a little hesitant to use this kind of binary.

With that being said, I do think there are some general considerations that can inform whether we categorize them as “wrong” or “right” questions, which often lie in the framing and mindset behind the question.

In other words, what’s the thought and feeling behind that question you’re asking.

“Wrong” Questions:

Key characteristics of “wrong” questions.

• Negative Framing: We often know we’re asking the wrong question because it has a negative framing, which focuses on what is lacking or what cannot be done. For example, “Why am I always failing at this?” emphasizes failure and can lead to a feeling stuck or hopeless.
• Blame and Comparison Driving the Question: Questions that involve self-blame or comparison with others tend to be counterproductive. For instance, “Why can’t I be as productive as my colleagues?” can foster feelings of inadequacy rather than inspiring growth.

Of course, there are always exceptions to this, which I’ll talk about toward the end. If we actually pause and answer that question WITHOUT judgment, we could learn something. But again, most of us don’t, and we instead simply stop with the question and use it as a form of self judgment.

• Unactionable: Wrong questions often seem unactionable, meaning they don’t lead to practical solutions. Asking, “why is this happening to me?” or “why do they always do that?” might not guide you toward actionable steps to address the situation.

Again, there are always exceptions, but by and large, negative framing, blame and comparison, and unactionable question are usually not super effective questions to help you move forward and grow.

“Right” Questions:

Key characteristics of the “right” questions to ask.

• Positive Framing: Right questions are framed positively, focusing on what can be done and potential solutions. For example, “What steps can I take to improve in this area?” directs attention to improvement and growth.
• Empowerment: Questions that empower rather than dishearten are considered right questions. Instead of, “Why do I always mess up?” a more empowering question might be, “What can I learn from this situation to do better next time?”
• Actionable and Solution-Oriented: Right questions are actionable and solution-oriented. They guide you toward practical steps you can take. For instance, “How can I approach this task differently for better results?” encourages a focus on problem-solving.
• Future-Focused: Right questions often have a future-oriented perspective. They are geared towards improvement and growth, such as, “What can I do differently moving forward?” This helps in learning from experiences rather than dwelling on past mistakes.
• Personalized: Right questions are often personalized to to your unique situation. They take into account your strengths, your areas for growth, and your unique circumstances. For instance, “What strategies work best for me in managing my time?” recognizes the need for individualized solutions.

In short, “wrong” questions tend to be negatively framed, focus on blame or comparison, and may lack practicality, while “right” questions are positively framed, they’re empowering, are actionable and solution-oriented, future-focused, and personalized to the person’s context.

Shifting from asking the “wrong” questions to the “right” questions can lead to a more constructive and growth-oriented mindset.

Examples of “Wrong” and “Right” Questions

So now let’s look at some actual examples. I’ll first give the wrong question and why I’m labeling it that way, and then I’ll give an alternative that will likely be more productive and move you forward.

• Wrong: “Why can’t I stay organized like everyone else?”
• Right: “What strategies can I use to enhance my organizational skills?”

• Wrong: “Why am I so scattered and unfocused?”
• Right: “What supports can I put in place to reduce distractions and strengthen my focus as much as possible?”

• Wrong: “Why do I always procrastinate on important tasks?”
• Right: “What’s in the way of my getting started? Where’s the friction? What supports can I put in place to make it easier to begin?”

• Wrong: “Why can’t I be as productive as my colleagues?”
• Right: “What productivity techniques work best for my brain? What approach or method do I want to develop for myself?

• Wrong: “Why is it so hard for me to follow a routine?”
• Right: “Which adjustments can I make to my routine to make it more ADHD-friendly?”

As a side note, I have a free course called ADHD Routine Revamp. It’s a 3-part video training. You can watch it all in about 30 minutes (faster if you like to watch at 1.5x speed.) There’s a step-by-step workbook that accompanies the training to help you clarify and lock in your routine so you can make it stick. Sign Up HERE!

Start Answering the Questions Your Brain Asks You

Now the last thing I want to mention before I share some action steps for you to practice is to start answering the questions your brain asks you.

The only way we can grow from questions is if we actually pause and answer them.

Your brain will NOT want to o this. It will resist. It will tell you, “I don’t know.” This is perfectly normal. Not a problem.

But also, don’t believe your brain!

Instead, pause and ask yourself:

• “What if I did know? What might the answer be then?”, or
• “Let’s take a guess. what might the answer be?”, or
• “If I didn’t have to act on the answer, and I didn’t have to tell anybody else…I’m only answering for myself, what would that answer be?”, or
• “If there is no right or wrong answer, there is just AN answer; what would my answer be for now?”

Give your brain some wiggle room and the freedom to play and explore and answer without judgment.

I’m telling you, even if you completely ignore everything else we talked about today in regard to right and wrong questions and instead, you just focus on answering every question, I promise you would have so much more clarity and direction overall because it pulls you out of the spin instantly.

When your brain keeps spinning on, “But what if they don’t like what I wrote in the email? What will they think??” and you keep spinning and ruminating over and over, you stay stuck.

However, if you pause and literally answer both questions, you stop the spin, and you give yourself traction to move forward.

• What if they don’t like the email? Answer that. What will you do?
• You can’t know for sure what they’ll think, but what are you afraid they might think? Let’s say they think that, THEN what?
• What will you do then? Answer it.

Be the boss of your brain. Every time it asks you a question, give it an answer and move forward.

Eventually, as you keep releasing the “wrong” questions and focusing on the “right” questions, you’ll be astonished at the gains you make.

How to Ask Yourself the Right Questions: 3 Steps

So we’ve talked about the importance of asking questions and the difference between asking yourself the “wrong” questions vs the “right” questions. We’ve looked a common characteristics of each type of question and some examples of each.

Now, let’s talk strategy. How can we start small and implement part of the practice this week? (By the way, that right there is the right kind of question to ask —> how can we start small and implement part of the the practice this week?)

I’m going to offer the step-by-step process, and this is a reminder to start where you are.

We have three different stages in the practice. Notice which one feels most accessible for you and start there. Sound good?

Step One: Increase Self-Awareness:

As always, increasing your awareness is the number one place to start. If we don’t have awareness of what’s happening, we won’t have the ability to pause and impotent the next steps.

Why: If the question makes you shut down or feel bad, it’s probably not the right question. (Unless it’s the discomfort of growth, but that feels quite different.)

Action: First things first, begin by paying attention to your internal dialogue. Notice the questions you habitually ask yourself. And more specifically, notice the ones that make you feel tight, restricted, spinny, overwhelmed, frustrated, inadequate, ashamed, etc.

By starting to notice those questions and identifying the ones that make you shut down vs move forward, you’re taking the first important step forward in taking action.

Step Two: Identify “Wrong” Questions & Practice Reframing:

Then we get to step two, which is to start clearly identifying the specific questions that we might label as the “wrong” questions.

Why: Intentionally recognizing the patterns of “wrong” questions helps you further increase your awareness and start noticing them that much quicker so you can begin reframing them into a more supportive inquiry.

Action: List out questions you often find yourself asking that are negatively framed, involve blame, or are unactionable.

For example, one of my brain’s most favorite “wrong” questions to ask is, “How is it already 6:00?! Where the heck did the time go? Why do I never have enough time?” NONE OF WHICH are the right question, none of which are supportive or empowering. They leave me in total inaction.

Step Three: Reframe Negative Questions & Focus on Asking the “Right” Questions:

In other words, start taking the “wrong” questions you’ve noticed yourself asking, and begin reframing them into a more positive and constructive format.

Why: Reframing helps shift your mindset and opens the door to proactive solutions. Not surprisingly, that feels SO MUCH BETTER overall.

Action: Start reframing questions you commonly ask yourself.

For example, turn “Why am I always failing?” into “What can I learn from this experience to do better next time?”

With my favorite question, “how is it already 6:00?” I might instead ask, “How can I do a better job of noticing the passage of time throughout the afternoon?”

3 ways to focus on asking the right questions:

Set Positive Intentions:

• Action: Before tackling a task or challenge, set a positive intention by asking yourself, “What positive outcome do I aim to achieve?” “What am I focused on creating?” “What am I going to learn?” “How am I showing up?”
• Why: Setting positive intentions focuses your energy on success rather than dwelling on potential obstacles.

Use Future-Focused Language:

• Action: When reflecting on a past mistake, phrase your questions in a future-oriented way. Instead of “Why did I mess up?” ask “What steps can I take to avoid similar mistakes in the future?”
• Why: This encourages a growth mindset and emphasizes learning over spinning in past perceived failures or all the reasons your brain thinks you can’t do it.

Seek Solutions Instead of Blame:

• Action: When faced with a challenge, ask questions that lead to solutions rather than blame. For instance, replace “Why is this happening to me?” with “What steps can I take to address and overcome this challenge?”
  • Now hear me – I’m not saying that you should blame yourself. NO. I’m saying that if you’re feeling stuck and you want to move forward, shift from the blame into solutions. This is what’s happening, what I want to do about it?
• Why: This shift promotes a problem-solving mentality, which is much more empowering.

We want to ask thoughtful, intentional questions that allow us to learn and grow so that we can make adjustments to do better and keep finding the most supportive ways to work with our brain to reach our goals.

If you want to explore this work further, join us in We’re Busy Being Awesome – where we not only learn the tools, but we apply them to our lives and as we work with our brains. 👉 Head to imbusybeingawesome.com/group to learn more and sign up.