The ADHD Not To Do List: Holiday Edition

When you think about past holiday seasons, how long were your to-do lists? 

(Don’t even want to think about it? Don’t worry, I’ve been there, too.)

I know how chaotic this time of year can be, and that’s why I’m excited to share a simple 5-step process to help you turn the intensity down a notch while increasing your enjoyment overall.

In episode 223 of the I’m Busy Being Aweseom podcast, we’re exploring the Not-To-Do-List: Holiday Edition. 

Rather than adding more tasks to your to-do list this season, this episode helps you to clarify your priorities, create more space for joy, and make time for what truly matters to you.

https://youtu.be/Rd0KJR9mD2I

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.   

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript. 

In This Episode, You Will Discover

• How to identify your priorities this season
• A simply way to ground yourself in what matters most
• How to use a Not-To-Do-List to create an unforgettable holiday season

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Episode #223: The ADHD Not To Do List: Holiday Edition (Transcript) 

How are you doing? What’s happening? I’ve been thinking about the last two months of the year and how our to-do lists can get increasingly long at this time. 

If you’re anything like me, the brain believes there’s always a few more things to be done, whether it’s…

• An extra few tasks in the business so I can work ahead before the holidays
• More errands or meetings or activities
• More school events or the office party at work

These last few months of the year often seem to bring with it additional demands. 

If we’re not intentional about what we’re saying yes to and how we’re budgeting our time, we can find ourselves buzzing from one activity to the next without ever slowing down and enjoying what can be such a beautiful season.

As I thought about how we might navigate this increase in demands, I thought now would be a really great time to bring back The Not-To-Do List, Holiday Edition. 

I know for myself, prioritization gets extra challenging at this time, too, because with the holiday, there’s an increase in external deadlines and demands that seem much less flexible, so I’m now juggling strong, competing demands in many areas of my life, all of which seem equally important.

Needless to say, that list can get quite long, quite fast. And because most of us are time blind, we have no idea how much time we actually need to get it all done.

So we keep saying yes to…

• Holiday gatherings
• Planning out all the Hanukkah gifts
• Hosting the Winter Solstice party
• Volunteering at the school’s winter concert
• Attending all the different Thanksgiving meals with every family member and inlaw who’s hosting.

I didn’t even mention the push that many of us feel during Q4 at work to wrap up projects, meet sales goals, plan for the intense holiday rush for anyone in the retail space, it’s a lot.

If you’ve ever taken a moment in the past to jot down everything you want to accomplish during the season, you’re probably familiar with that wash of overwhelm that takes over. You probably know that tightness in your chest and the fogginess or spinning that begins in the mind that often blocks you from knowing what matters most and what you can let go.

This is why I’m taking some time on this episode at the beginning of November to help set us up for success ahead of time.

How can we clearly identify where we want to focus our attention first, what would be nice, and what are we intentionally putting on the back burner?

Your brain may wrestle with this a bit as we begin exploring, but I promise you, there is such a huge feeling of relief on the other side when you stop fighting with time; when you stop trying to fit 6 months’ worth of activities in 2 months’ time. 

Step 1: Create A Holiday NOT To Do List

So let’s dive into our not-to-do list for the holiday season, shall we? 

First things first, we want to create that long list. If you haven’t already, grab a piece of paper or a Google doc and start your list, brainstorming everything that’s on your mind over the next two months. 

Some people like to let their brain simply download everything. Other people like to think in categories to give their brain direction. I tend to lean toward the latter, so I might create three separate lists: work, holiday, personal. Then get everything out. If it helps you might look at your calendars, look through your emails; however you get your mind flowing, do that. 

Your brain may start freaking out at this point, too. Notice that. Also, remind yourself that you will NOT be doing everything on this list, okay?

We’re simply starting by getting everything out. Now the brain has captured everything on paper or in a document, which frees up some processing power in the brain to think more clearly. 

Step 2: Identify Your Seasonal ‘Theme’

Ask yourself…

• What matters most about the next two months this year?
• When I think about everything that’s going on in in my life and with my family, what actually matters? 

Allow yourself time for the truth to come up.

• How do I want to feel this season?
• What do I want as my seasonal theme? Inspired? Festive? Connected? Restful? Creative? Grounded? Joyful? Content?

Each of these feelings will likely be a slightly different experience for you.

If I was guided by the theme of Festive, that would be a very different season than if I was guided by Content or Restful. 

• How do you want to feel this season?
• Why do you want to feel this way?
• Why is that important to you?
• When you think about that experience, what matters most to you? What might your season look like?

If I chose Festive…

Perhaps what matters most is attending all the different seasonal activities and events. I might bounce from Thanksgiving dinner to Thanksgiving dinner, so I get to connect with all my family and friends.

Many of whom I haven’t seen in years. I might look for all the fun activities like tree lighting, and ice skating and caroling. I might plan some holiday parties to host at my house, etc. That might be what’s most important. 

If I Chose Restful…

On the other hand, if my theme of the season was restful, it would look very different.

It might look like a few quiet gatherings with people I love. I might be a lot of cozy nights watching my favorite movies, curled up on the couch, and crocheting. It might be delicious soups that simmer all day on the weekend, and I eat all week for dinner. 

So give yourself some space to clarify what’s most important to you this season. What’s your seasonal theme?

–

Now that we know that, it’s time to explore the idea of the Not-To-Do List and how we can use it to create the season we want.

So today, we’re going to talk about two ways to use the Not-To-Do List.

1. The Not-To-Do NOW List
2. The other is theNot-To-Do EVER List

The “Not-To-Do Now” List For The Holidays

Let’s start with the “Not-To-Do Now” list, because it’s probably the one that deserves the most attention given this topic today.

I love the Not-To-Do NOW List because it really helps alleviate a lot of the pressure we put on ourselves of needing to complete everything immediately or needing to participate in everything this year. 

I find this list helps provide some relief from constantly needing to find more time, get more resources, add one more thing to the calendar, or finish one more project before the end of the year because you don’t have to do it all now. 

So how does this work? Well, the good news is we’ve already started by creating our to-do list download.

We’ve also identified your seasonal theme; you know how you want to feel and what’s most important to you this season. 

1. Look at your NOT to-do list & identify your top 5 priorities

If nothing else happened for the rest of the year, what are the five things that you’d choose no matter what?

Now, I know this can feel like a heavy decision, but it doesn’t have to. There is no right or wrong decision. You can’t mess this up. You are the one who gets to choose how you want to spend your time. 

Remind your brain that I’m not saying you can ONLY do these five things. Instead, you’re intentionally choosing your top five ahead of time so you don’t have to think about priorities as things get busier. 

If you’re having a hard time identifying your top five, this is where your seasonal theme comes in.

Looking through the lens of Festive or Restful or Connected or whatever word you chose…

• What are the top five activities that stand out to you?
• How can you use that intentional theme as a guide to help constrain your focus to what matters most to you this season? 

Similarly, when you combine your seasonal theme with your top five, you have a powerful filter for anything else coming in over the next few months. You can ask yourself, is this request or activity or project supporting or pulling away from the season I’m creating with intention? And that brings us to the Not To Do List.

2. Put some of those things on the calendar

For example, if one of your top five is a girls’ night with your college roommates, and you’ve been talking about booking an Airbnb for the New Year, get that on the calendar now so that other things don’t take precedence.

And you also have on your radar the fact that you’ll likely be traveling the last week of December, so remember to give yourself transition time and don’t book a big meeting at work the day after you get back.

This is all about honoring your seasonal theme, your priorities, and your capacity so that you’re truly enjoying what can otherwise be a rather intense season, especially if we’re living entirely reactively rather than proactively.

3. Move Things To Your “Not To Do Now” List

So you’ve identified your seasonal theme, and you know your top five. Now it’s time to look at that long to-do list download and start moving things to your Not-To-Do-Now list.

Go through those items one by one and ask yourself, does this add to or detract from my holiday theme?

If it detracts, consider adding it to your Not-To-Do-Now list.

If it passes that first test, then ask yourself, does it add to or detract from your top five priorities?

Again, if not, consider moving it to your Not-To-Do-Now list. If it does, keep it on the list for the season.

Now as you go through your list and identify the items you’ll add to your Not-To-Do-Now list, remind your brain that this isn’t forever.

You’re not saying you’ll NEVER do them.

Instead, you’re simply accepting reality, which is the fact that we don’t have an unlimited amount of time to do things. And you’re practicing the invaluable skill of intentionality. You’re helping ensure you use your time in the way that you want to – in a way that’s aligned with your values and priorities this season. 

4. Consider The ‘Shoulds’ or the ‘Intellectual Yeses’

After you’ve gone through your list of tasks and moved everything that’s clearly not supporting your seasonal theme or top five, you might also go through the list considering the “shoulds” or the “intellectual yeses.”

• Did you leave items on your list that you’re doing out of a sense of guilt or obligation?
• Are there things that you’ve intellectually talked yourself into, but when you pause to check in with yourself, they’re very clearly NOT a full body yes?

>> If so, I highly encourage you to transfer these items to your Not-To-Do-Now list, too. 

Again, you can always remind your brain that this doesn’t mean forever.

In fact, I encourage you to set a reminder or alert in your calendar that says “review your Not-To-Do-Now list” sometime around the end of December or the beginning of January when you start thinking about the next quarter.

That way, your brain has extra reassurance that you haven’t forgotten. And you’ve even put in supports to ensure they don’t slip through the cracks at the beginning of the year, either. You can always add them to your list the following season if they align.

5. The Extras On Your List

For anything left on your list that isn’t obviously attached to your top 5 but didn’t make it to the Not-To-Do-Now list, these are the extras.

The “if time permits” activities.

So if you’ve already made time for your priorities and you have additional space in your calendar, these are the items you get to fill in. And you can do so with confidence, knowing they’re supportive of how you want to intentionally spend your time and attention this season, which is so fun.

The “Not-To-Do Ever” List

Now the last step in the process is to consider your “Not-To-Do Ever” list.

I think this can be an interesting exercise simply because you’re reflecting on how you’ve been spending your time – either in past holiday seasons or recently – and deciding intentionally what you do NOT want to do ever.

These are not things you’ll postpone until the spring. These are things you no longer want to do ever. 

Now, I’m going to stay on the broader side here and give more general examples just because everyone’s Not-To-Do Ever list will be vastly different.

The “Not-To-Do Ever” list is an act of reclaiming your time and energy for the things that truly matter to you.

You’re intentionally removing certain tasks that might be a drain on your time, and also might be a physical, mental, or emotional drain as well.

I’ll also mention that often the Not-To-Do Ever list is more of a practice. We’re not robots. We can’t just switch our programming or download an updated version of our operating system to ensure we never do a specific behavior again. So give yourself grace here if you decide to add anything to your Not-To-Do Ever list.

Examples To Put On Your Not To Do Ever List

Overcommitting

If you’ve found that in past years you constantly overcommit during the holiday season, and you’re often feeling super stressed and stretched thin, perhaps you put “Overcommitting” on your “Not-To-Do Ever” list and practice setting clear boundaries to help you honor your capacity when it comes to work, personal goals, social commitments, etc.

Perfectionism

If your brain tips toward perfectionism, and you often feel the pressure to create the perfect holiday season for everyone else, perhaps we put Perfectionism on the Not-To-Do Ever list as we practice embracing B+ work. 

Excessive Shopping

Spending way too much and not sticking to your budget.

Ignoring Self-Care

Maybe you notice that you tend to completely forget about self care during this season.

When your time is stretched thin, and you’re worrying about creating a specific holiday experience for your family, or you’re pushing yourself hard to finish up big projects before the end of the year at work, self care can be one of the first things to go.

So if this one resonates with you, perhaps ignoring self-care goes on your Not-To-Do Ever list. 

These are just a few examples. Others might be:

• Negative self-talk
• Unnecessary pressure and stress to get it all in
• Comparison
• Gossiping

Check-in with what’s detracted from your holiday experiences in the past, and consider adding these items to your Not-To-Do Ever list going forward. 

Final Thoughts & Recap

Remember that your “Not-To-Do Ever” list is a powerful practice to point you in the direction of the holiday experience you want.

When you combine your “Not-To-Do Ever” list alongside your “Not-To-Do Now” list, you’re setting clear boundaries, making space for joy and meaning, and ensuring that the holiday season aligns with your intentions and values.

So as a quick recap, today, we’ve talked about a powerful tool to help you navigate the busy holiday season: the Not-To-Do List.

With the holiday season approaching, it’s easy for demands and commitments to pile up. By setting clear priorities and making decisions ahead of time, we make it so much easier for ourselves to enjoy the season, create meaningful experiences, and align with our intentions and values.

We did this with a simple 5-step process. 

1. Create Your To Do List Download. Start by brainstorming everything that’s on your mind for the next few months. Remember, the goal is not to do everything on this list but to get everything out of your head.

2. Identify Your Seasonal Theme: Reflect on how you want to feel during the season. Choose a theme that resonates with you and the experience you want, whether it’s Festive, Restful, Connected, Content. Whatever you choose will inform how you shape your season. 

3. Prioritize Your Top Five: Looking at your to-do list download through the lens of your seasonal theme, select your top five priorities for the season. Once you’ve chosen them, get them on the calendar to protect that time and prevent yourself from overextending yourself with too many commitments.

4. Create Your “Not-To-Do Now” List: Examine your to-do list downloads and evaluate each item. Does it contribute to your seasonal theme or your top five priorities? If not, consider moving it to your “Not-To-Do Now” list. Similarly, address the “Shoulds” and “Intellectual Yeses.” If they’re not a full-body “yes,” move them to your “Not-To-Do Now” list. This list is a powerful tool to alleviate the pressure of trying to do everything immediately.

5. “Not-To-Do Ever” List: Reflect on your past experiences and identify activities that have detracted from your holiday season. For example, overcommitting, perfectionism, excessive shopping, neglecting self-care, negative self-talk, or undue stress and pressure. Put these on your “Not-To-Do Ever” list as an intention to continue practicing.

By combining your “Not-To-Do Now” list with your “Not-To-Do Ever” list, you’re establishing healthy guard rails, creating space for joy, and ensuring your holiday season aligns with your intentions and values.

Remember, these lists aren’t set in stone; they’re dynamic and flexible, which means you can revisit and adjust them as needed to make each holiday season a fulfilling one.