ADHD Chronic Overwhelm + 4 Steps To Deal With It

If overwhelm ever knocks your ADHD brain off course, and leaves you spinning in decision fatigue, uncertain where to begin, or avoiding the thing entirely, you’re in the right place.

Today, on episode 321 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, we’re talking about what chronic overwhelm is really costing us… and how we can finally move out of it. Let’s go.

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app. Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for a summary of the key takeaways.

In Episode 321 You Will Discover:

• The real reasons your ADHD brain gets overwhelmed (and why it’s not your fault)
• The emotional, physical, and practical toll of chronic overwhelm
• 4 steps to overcome overwhelm

Episode 321: How to Deal With Chronic ADHD Overwhelm: 4 Key Steps (Transcript)

Today, we’re talking about overwhelm, and I want to set the stage by sharing one of my recent overwhelm spin cycles from just a few weeks ago.

I was getting ready for a family vacation, and I was really looking forward to it. On a lake in Northern Minnesota in the late summer is truly one of the best places to be, and I was really excited.

And yet… as we got closer to leaving, the overwhelm started sneaking in. Suddenly, I noticed myself feeling tense. I felt that familiar spin come in, and my brain was constantly sorting through decisions.

• What am I packing?
• What will the weather be like?
• What are the things we actually need for the cabin – do we bring the extra fan?
• Do I bring Bruno’s crate or just his bed? Will everything fit?
• What about meals? Should we plan what we’re eating ahead of time?
• Do I get groceries at the grocery store here, or do I just make the decision each day when we are there?
• What if I forget something important?
• What if we get there and the internet doesn’t work — and I still have those few meetings? What if something breaks at the house while we’re gone?
• What if… what if… what if…

My brain just spun out.

If you’ve experienced this kind of overwhelm before — whether it’s planning a trip or navigating a busy week, I’m guessing you know exactly what that spin feels like.

Our brains try to control every variable and we burn energy trying to plan for every possible scenario. But here’s what I’ve learned and what I want to offer you today.

Yes, it’s helpful to plan or to offload the mental clutter onto a list. But once we reach that tipping point, where planning fuels the overwhelm, that’s when it starts to cost us time, energy. It can steal our presence and joy in the experience we’re trying to prepare for.

Overwhelm carries weight

I like how Jon Kabat‑Zinn describes it. He says, “overwhelm is the feeling that our lives are somehow unfolding faster than the human nervous system and psyche can manage well.”

It shines a light on what’s really going on so we can start supporting ourselves more effectively.

When we can recognize these patterns, before they become a crisis, we open up the possibility for real compassion and change.

The Cost of Staying Stuck in Overwhelm

Overwhelm it’s not just a bad day or a rough afternoon — chronic overwhelm has a real impact, and it tends to hit us in 3 major ways: emotionally, physically, and practically.

1. Emotional Toll

When we’re stuck in overwhelm, it can start to chip away at our sense of self. We might start thinking things like:

• I should be able to handle this.
• Other people don’t get this stressed.
• What’s wrong with me?

We start doubting ourselves. We feel like we’re always behind. We judge ourselves for not being able to “just do the thing” — even when we know we’re trying.

For ADHD brains especially, this kind of negative self-talk can snowball fast. It can spiral into feelings of shame, hopelessness, and helplessness.

It feels like: “No matter what I do, I can’t get on top of things.” And when that story runs on repeat, it doesn’t just stay in our thoughts — it seeps into our identity.

We start believing it’s who we are, not just a pattern we’re stuck in.

This emotional weight makes it even harder to access our executive functions. Which, of course, leads to more overwhelm. It’s a really painful loop.

2. Physical Toll

When we’re chronically overwhelmed, our nervous system is constantly activated. We’re in that fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, and it takes a toll.

You might feel it as:

• Muscle tension or jaw clenching
• Headaches or stomach issues
• Chronic fatigue or insomnia
• Racing heart or shallow breathing
• Feeling wired but tired all the time

Your body’s working overtime just to stay afloat. And even when you’re technically “resting,” you might not feel rested because your brain never really powers down.

And again, this feeds the cycle of overwhelm.

You see, when your body is that worn out, everything — from decision-making to emotional regulation to memory — becomes harder.

You might find yourself:

• Snapping at people you care about.
• Forgetting the thing you just said you’d do.
• Starting five tasks, and finishing none

Not because you don’t care, but because your brain and body are operating on fumes.

3. Practical Toll

Overwhelm doesn’t just feel hard — it also gets in the way of actually doing the things we care about.

At work, it might look like missed deadlines, forgotten tasks, or projects that stay half-finished because you can’t figure out where to start again. Even when you want to follow through, it’s like your brain just won’t cooperate.

In relationships, it can show up as distance, irritability, or snapping when you don’t mean to. Because your internal resources are already maxed out.

When it comes to personal goals — the stuff that actually matters to us — overwhelm can freeze us in place. We might delay the project, put off the creative idea, or tell ourselves we’ll start “when things calm down.”

So what happens in chronic overwlem? The guilt builds. The shame kicks in and we tell ourselves, “I should be doing more. I should have started by now. I’m falling behind.”

The more stuck we feel, the harder it becomes to move because now we’re navigating the task and the emotional weight that’s attached to it.

It becomes a cycle, and it’s exhausting.

4 Steps To Go From Overwhelmed to Empowered

1. Understand What Your Overwhelm Looks Like

Take a moment and reflect on how overwhelm might be showing up for you right now.

Ask yourself:

• Where do I notice signs of overwhelm showing up in my life right now?
• Emotionally? Physically? Practically?
• What feels hardest to carry right now?
• And where do I feel like I’m running on fumes?

As you reflect — please remember: This isn’t about judging or blaming yourself >> This is about naming what’s happening so you can support yourself more effectively.

Once we recognize the pattern, we can begin to change it.

2. Reframe Overwhelm as a Signal (Not a Failure)

One of the first and most powerful shifts we can make is this > Reframing overwhelm as a signal, not failure.

Overwhelm is not a sign of weakness; that you’re being indulgent or that you can’t get your act together. It’s also not a sign that you’re lazy or falling short. Overwhelm is your brain saying, “This is too much right now.”

I know that might sound simple, but for a lot of us with ADHD, that reframe can be radical.

Most of us have spent years – sometimes decades – telling ourselves that if we just tried harder, planned better, or stopped procrastinating… If we only “cared enough,” we’d finally get it together and do the thing.

The truth is, when we’re in overwhelm, it’s not because we’re not trying hard enough or need to care more.

We’re not dealing with a motivation issue — we’re dealing with a capacity issue.

• Our nervous system is maxed out
• Our executive function is overloaded
• And our brain is sending a very clear message: “I need support.”

👉 So, I want to offer a rather radical question, which is this: What if we actually listened?

Instead of piling on more pressure, we can pause and realize the signal that we’re past capacity.

We can then ask ourselves: What support do I need right now? What would help me feel just 5% more grounded in this moment?

This support can be different for everyone. It might look like:

• Stepping away from the task altogether.
• Offloading a few things, asking for help, or resetting expectations.
• Taking a few deep breaths, drinking some water, and bringing the prefrontal cortex back online.

When we reframe overwhelm as a signal, not a personal failure, we permit ourselves to respond with curiosity and care instead of shame. And this is what opens the door to self-compassion, problem-solving, and forward movement.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Once we begin to see overwhelm as a signal, not a failure, we get to decide how we want to respond to that signal — and we can do this with self-compassion.

The problem is that most of us were taught to push harder. To try more. To just “get it together.” We internalized the message that if something’s not working, we must be the problem.

That harsh self-judgment that comes so naturally to many of us might have “worked” in the past, which makes the brain think it should keep using that same strategy going forward. However, this doesn’t actually help us. Not in the long run, not sustainably.

Instead, this self-judgment makes us feel terrible, and it ultimately makes the overwhelm louder.

Instead of fueling your overwhelming thoughts like: “I should be able to handle this.” “What’s wrong with me?” “Get it together! Just focus!” I invite you to shift to something much more supportive by asking something like:

• What would I say to a friend who’s feeling this way?
• Would I say these same phrases? Would I yell at them to “get it together!” Probably not…
• What tone would I use?
• What kind of support would I offer them?

Then you can turn that compassion inward and offer it to yourself. It’s important to recognize that this moment is hard. You’re doing your best, and support is what helps you move forward.

Self-compassion is not about lowering the bar or your expectations. Self-compassion is about lifting the excess weight that’s been making it so hard to clear the bar in the first place.

When you remove the weight of layering guilt and shame on top of the overwhelm you’re already feeling — that’s when space opens up. That’s when you can breathe again and when you can access the tools that keep you going.

4. Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Having a growth mindset is the belief that we can learn, that our skills can improve, and that we’re capable of figuring things out over time.

We are not stuck in a world of all-or-nothing or destined to be good or bad at something. The growth mindset proves that humans can change and evolve in their skills and abilities over a lifespan.

This is especially important for ADHD brains because we’ve often been taught the opposite.

We’ve been told:

• You’re just not good at time management
• You’re just disorganized
• You never follow through
• This is just how you are

When we hear those messages, it’s easy to internalize them as fact and then it becomes part of our identity: “I’m just bad at this.”

Having a growth mindset allows us to challenge that story. It says: Maybe I haven’t figured it out yet. But I’m learning, I’m building tools. I’m testing strategies. I’m growing into the version of myself who can do this.

This doesn’t mean we get it right every time or that we suddenly become flawless. But it does mean we keep showing up — from a place of curiosity instead of defeat.

One of my favorite growth mindset phrases is:

“We’re either winning or we’re learning.”

It removes failure from the equation altogether, because either way, we’re growing. We’re making progress. We’re supporting ourselves. We’re learning how to move forward, even when things feel hard.

Final Thoughts & Next Steps

When we give ourselves the tools, the space, and the mindset to work with our brains — instead of against them — we begin to break the cycle of chronic overwhelm.

We start building momentum again. We start seeing possibilities again. And we begin showing up — not from pressure or panic — but from grounded, supported energy.

👉 Want to take these concepts further and apply them to your life? Learn more about how we can work together with my small group coaching program, “We’re Busy Being Awesome,” and one-on-one coaching.

Until next time — keep being awesome.

Resources From This Episode:

• Free Quiz: What’s Your Overwhelm Type?
• Episode 270: How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Past Mistakes

More ADHD Resources:

• Discover my favorite ADHD resources
• Learn my Top 10 Tips to Work With Your ADHD Brain
• Access the I’m Busy Being Awesome Planning System
• Get the I’m Busy Being Awesome Podcast Roadmap
• Free course: ADHD Routine Revamp

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