How To Shift Your ADHD Mindset from Fixed to Growth

When it comes to mindset many of us ADHDers tend to default to focusing on what we can’t do – not what we can. Think about it – how often does a new idea glimmer in your mind, but before it sees the light of day, your brain turns it down, thinking, “But I can’t because…” or “The problem is…” 

This week, one of my clients asked a powerful question: Why do so many of us ADHDers focus primarily on what we can’t do? I see this in myself and others. It’s like we get stuck in this loop of “I would, but…” and never focus on the side of possibility.

Oof. She’s so spot on, isn’t she? 

It’s often tempting for our brains to jump to why we can’t do something rather than daring to consider why it might work.

Why is this and does it have to be this way?

In episode 291 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, we’re exploring just that.

Play

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app. Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for a summary of the key takeaways.

Tune in now and discover:

1. Why our brains naturally focus on problems over possibilities.
2. 3 actionable strategies to from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset when we want to.
3. How to use curiosity and small steps to build momentum and overcome hesitation.

Episode 291: How To Shift Your ADHD Mindset from Fixed to Growth (Transcript)

One of my clients asked a question this week that really stuck with me:

Why does it seem like a lot of us ADHDers are so focused on what we can’t do?

They explained how often they catch themselves saying things like, “The problem is,” or, “I can’t because,” or, “I would, but.” 

What really hit home was when they shared how, even when faced with an opportunity to work on a project of their own choosing, their brain immediately went to reasons why it wasn’t possible or why they shouldn’t do it.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you notice it in any areas of your life?

I know I’ve certainly seen this in myself – especially when I’ve already felt discouraged or disappointed in a similar situation in the past. Or if it’s unfamiliar, and I’m faced with the reality of actually needing to try it without any real knowledge of how it will go. 

Again, I don’t see it in all situations, because there are also times when I am so excited about a new idea or project that I dive in instantly (and would probably benefit from a little more deliberation, first.) But I do think my client is spot on.

There are these unique situations – especially if we’ve tried to do something similar before – where instead of getting excited about what’s possible, our brains zoom in and highlight every potential obstacle or reason why it won’t work. 

Today we’re look at…

• Why this experience happens
• Why so many of us default to, “I can’t because,”
• How we can shift that perspective.

We’re diving into how to move from problems to possibilities to stop spinning in the reasons why not and start stepping into what we want to create.

5 Reasons ADHD Adults Focus on Problems

So why does this happen? Why do so many of us with ADHD default to focusing on problems instead of possibilities?

Today, we’re going to look at five key reasons. Let’s unpack them together.

1. Negativity Bias

Our brains are wired to keep us safe. They’re always scanning for danger, looking for what could go wrong, and finding ways to protect us. It’s often talked about as the motivational triad – brains are wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy.

This means that back in the day, our ancestors focused on the loud noise in the woods, assumed danger, and ultimately avoided being eaten by predators. Yay! Thanks for that, brain! 

In today’s world, that same bias and search for threat shows up in much less life-threatening situations—like overanalyzing a project idea or hesitating to try something new.

This is true for all brains – not just ADHD brains.

When you add ADHD to the mix, and our tendency toward rumination, it makes sense why we get stuck in those open question loops quite easily, and we worry…

“What if they think my idea is dumb?”

“What if I mess this up?”

“What if I fail AGAIN?

And instead of focusing on the exciting possibilities, we get stuck in the loop of what could go wrong.

So that’s number one. Negativity Bias. And as we go through the others, you’ll notice how they all seem to fall underneath this overarching umbrella. 

2. Perfectionism

As we know – since I talk about it quite often on the podcast – front-end and back-end perfectionism hit hard for so many of us.

And even if we are people who don’t typically resonate with perfectionistic tendencies, when we think about today’s topic with our brain spinning on why we can’t or shouldn’t do something, perfectionism usually hides in the shadows. 

The challenge is that this flavor of perfectionism can show up in many different disguises and often sneaks in through the side door.

So we don’t always see it as first. But at the heart of it, this perfectionist part believes, “If I don’t start, I can’t fail.” It feels like we’re protecting ourselves from the pain of messing up. Again, as a throwback to obstacle number one, we’re avoiding pain.

Here’s the truth: not starting is failing ahead of time. It’s like hitting the brakes before the car even starts moving.

Let’s be honest—how many times has avoiding failure by not starting TRULY felt better in the long run? My guess is not many. My guess – if you’re like me – is that we instead find ourselves feeling regret and frustration as we think about this missed opportunity. 

So that’s reason number two, perfectionism.

3. Fixed Mindset

A fixed mindset is the belief that our abilities and traits are set in stone.

It’s the voice that says, “I’m just not good at writing,” or, “I’ve never been able to stick to my routines in the past, so why bother trying now?” or, “Ever other time I’ve tried to do something like this, I failed. Why would this time be any different?” I just can’t do it.” These are all fixed mindset beliefs.

The leading voice in this space on fixed and growth mindset is Carol Dweck. She has a brilliant, groundbreaking book called Mindset The New Mindset: Psychology of Success.

As you hear me talk about those fixed mindset thoughts, I’m guessing some of you thought, “That sounds a lot like the black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking we talk about with ADHD brains!”

And if you did, you’re right! A fixed mindset is all about being cognitively inflexible. And what Dwek shows us is that it’s possible to maintain or even increase our flexibility with a growth mindset – even when we have an ADHD brain.

However, since ADHDers are prone to that inflexible thinking, it’s easy to get stuck in the fixed mindset and believe we can’t.

4. Overwhelm

Oh, overwhelm. We know you well. Overwhelm also plays a big role here because it often moves in when we’re thinking about doing something unfamiliar, complex, or just… big.

It’s that moment when everything seems like too much, and suddenly, all those executive functions that help us plan, prioritize, and get started take a sick day and leave us high and dry.

When we’re overwhelmed—the smallest tasks often seem insurmountable. Instead of thinking about how to take one small step, our brains go into shutdown mode. It’s like, “Where do I even begin? This is way too much. I’ll just… scroll TikTok instead.” Sound familiar?

When we don’t know where to start or how to break something down into manageable pieces, it’s so much easier to focus on why it’s not going to work. “It’s too hard. I don’t have the time. I can’t handle this.”

And just like that, we’re stuck in problem-mode instead of possibility-mode.

5. Self-Protection

Self-protection is a bit like looking through a different lens at the motivational triad we mentioned earlier.

If any of you saw Inside Out 2, Self Protection is like the new character introduced named Anxiety when she is literally spiraling in the movie. Self-protection is when our brain steps in like an overprotective friend who says, “Don’t put yourself out there—it’s just going to hurt.”

And honestly? That friend isn’t wrong. They’ve got receipts.

Think about it: if you’ve experienced failure, rejection, or shame in the past, your brain remembers.

Maybe you’ve tried something new before, and it didn’t go well, or maybe someone told you you’re not cut out for that thing you really wanted to do.

Those experiences stick with us, and they create this little warning system that says, “Hey, remember how much that stung last time? Let’s not do that again.”

Here’s the tricky part… This protective mechanism doesn’t just shield us from potential disappointment—it also prevents us from ever doing something new, learning fresh skills, or creating new success.

Essentially, it keeps us stuck. Instead of trying, learning, or growing, we focus on why something won’t work. We say, “I shouldn’t even bother,” or, “What’s the point?” because it feels safer to stay in our comfort zone.

Now, here’s what I want us to remember: while this self-protective part of us is well-meaning, it doesn’t have to be in charge. We can thank it for trying to keep us safe and then gently remind it, “I’ve got this.

Even if it doesn’t go perfectly, I’ll take care of myself. I’m not going to beat myself up. In fact, I’m going to be proud of myself for trying.”

So that’s reason number five why many of us get stuck in the problem-focused mindset: self-protection. 

Why This Matters

The thing to remember here is that this is a human response.

Nothing has gone wrong if you notice you’re tipping toward the negativity bias or perfectionism made its way in or if you’re sensing that fixed mindset, feeling overwhelmed, or navigating a lot of that self-protection energy.

Your brain is doing what it has evolved to do: seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. It’s trying to protect you because it doesn’t quite understand real danger vs. perceived danger. 

The good news is you don’t have to stay in that place. You can recognize these patterns, understand when you do require protection and when you’re willing to risk some discomfort, and then start shifting your focus toward what’s possible instead of what’s in the way.

And that’s exactly what we’re going to dive into next.

Fixed Mindset To Growth Mindset: 3 Things To Focus On

As we dive in, I want to start with this: it’s absolutely okay to feel nervous about trying something new.

In fact, it makes me think of what my dad used to say: “if you’re nervous, it means you care.” And I agree. A little nervousness is a pretty good sign that whatever you’re doing matters to you. Think about it—if you didn’t care about the outcome, would you even feel that twinge of fear? Probably not.

With that in mind, I don’t think you need to eliminate the fear. Fear doesn’t have to pack its bags and move out completely before you can start. It just doesn’t need to be in charge of driving the car. It can sit in the backseat.

So what does that look like?

• First, let yourself go to the fear place. Ask yourself, “What am I really worried might actually happen?” And let yourself name the thing.
• From there, I invite you to take it one step further and ask, “Okay, if that thing I’m afraid of actually happens? Then what?” How will you respond?

Here’s an example. Maybe you’re afraid of putting your ideas out there at work and being judged by your coworkers. If that happens, then what? What will happen? And how will you take care of yourself? 

Show your brain that even if the worst-case scenario plays out, you’ve got a plan, and more importantly, you have your own back.

You’re not going to beat yourself up. You’ll take care of yourself. Eventually, you may even get to a place where you can confidently know you’ll feel proud of yourself for showing up and trying—because trying is courageous.

This is the groundwork before we move into the strategies. Don’t skip this. Spend some time with the fear and remind yourself that you will be okay.

It’s only once we’ve given ourselves that space that we want to move forward and shift our focus from problems to possibilities. 

Let’s dive into three strategies to help make that shift.

1. Interrupt the Pattern

The next time you find yourself stuck in problem-mode—spinning on all the reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t do something. I can’t finish the script; I never have time. Or I’ll never make the offer; I hate making sales calls—pause and interrupt the pattern by asking yourself:

• “What time do I want to set aside for writing?”
• “How will I make the time tomorrow?”
• “How could I make the sales process more enjoyable? If I improve it for myself, it will probably also improve it for the client!
• What if there’s another way to sell this offer that doesn’t involve a phone call?

These questions redirect your focus from the obstacles to the opportunities. And when you ask them, notice how it feels in your body. Even a tiny spark of excitement or curiosity is worth paying attention to—it’s a sign you’re moving toward possibility.

2. Experiment with ‘What If’ Thinking (Equal Air Time)

Building on the idea of going to the worst-case scenario, as we talked about in that key foundation step, now we’re going to take it in another direction. When I was trained as a coach, this concept was taught as “equal air time.” 

So often, we let the worst-case scenario take up all the mental real estate.

We think about everything that could go wrong, and we accept those fears as facts. That they likely will happen. What we don’t realize is that we actually have NO idea, and the exact opposite scenario, or some other scenario somewhere in between, is equally as likely to happen. 

So instead of focusing only on, “I shouldn’t try because I might do it wrong?” or “I would put my name in for the role, but I might tank the speech portion.” or “I can’t ask them out because they’ll probably say no” I want to encourage you to give yourself equal air time.

Ask—and allow yourself to actually imagine—the alternatives.

• What if you do it RIGHT?
• What if you nail the speech?
• What if they say YES?
• What if it doesn’t work out with them, but they introduce you to your long-term partner?
• What if you learn something powerful about yourself along the way that changes the trajectory of your career?
• What if you HAVE FUN?!

By giving both outcomes equal airtime, you’re training your brain to see that positive possibilities are just as valid as negative ones. And honestly? The result will probably be somewhere in the middle. But by examining both, you know you can handle all of it.

3. Act ‘As If’ in Small Ways

This is one of my favorite strategies. Instead of waiting to feel “ready,” to try the new thing or put yourself out there, I invite you to start acting like someone who’s successfully done it already. Been there, done that.

Ask yourself:

• If I already was a partner at the firm, what would I be doing today? How would I address this situation? 
• If I already had published several books, how would i approach this stage of my current book writing?
• If I regularly closed sales calls, what would I be thinking about Tuesday morning when it’s time to pick up the phone?

Now, sometimes, imagining yourself in this scenario feels too distant. You can’t picture yourself making the thing happen and your brain just stays in the resistance and doubt. NO PROBLEM. If that’s the case, it can be helpful to think of someone you admire or a respected person in the field and imagine how they might approach the thing.

What do they think about it?

What do they do when they hit a snag?

For example:

• How would Brené Brown handle this communication problem on my team?
• How would James Patterson handle outlining the next story arc?
• How would Dale Carnegie navigate this sales situation?

As you find your answers, challenge yourself to lean in and take that one small step as you try the approach for yourself. As we talked about last week, one small step at a time is enough to start building momentum.

Final Thoughts

The last thing I want to offer is that shifting from a greater focus on problems to a greater focus on possibilities (from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset) doesn’t mean pretending obstacles don’t exist. It means choosing to focus on where you’re going more intently than where you’re stuck. 

So after you allow yourself to acknowledge the fear, clarify that worst case scenario, and identify how you’ll support yourself through the situation if it happens, then try on one of these three strategies to shift into possibility:

1. Interrupt the pattern by asking your question from a new lens.
2. Experiment with giving equal airtime to possible outcomes.
3. Act ‘as if’ in small ways—one step at a time.

Each of these strategies builds momentum, helps regulate those big emotions, and reminds you that you’re not stuck forever.

my challenge for you this week:

When you notice yourself spinning in problem mode — whether it’s the negativity bias kicking in, the overwhelm creeping up, or that self-protection voice trying to keep you “safe”—pause…

Take a breath and ask yourself: “What else might be true here?” “How else might I think about this?”

Whether it’s asking yourself a different question, giving equal airtime to the positive outcomes, or acting as if for just one moment—choose one thing to try this week.

When you do, celebrate that courage. Because showing up and trying, even when it feels hard, is a win in itself.

As always, I’d love to how it goes for you! Let’s connect over on Instagram. I’m @imbusybeingawesome. You can send me a DM or leave a commont on one of the episode posts. I can’t wait to hear about it.

All right, my friends, that’s going to do it for us this week. And if you’re ready to take these concepts and apply them to your life, if you’re ready to learn how to support your ADHD in a way that’s best for you, I invite you to check out today’s show notes where you can learn more about how we can work together in both my small group coaching program, We’re Busy Being Awesome, and through one on one coaching.

👉 Want to learn my simple step-by-step approach to locking in a routine and making it stick, be sure to check out my free course, the ADHD Routine Revamp.

I’ll talk with you soon. 

Links From The Podcast

• Learn more about private coaching
• Learn more about We’re Busy Being Awesome small group coaching
• Get the top 10 tips to work with your ADHD brain (free ebook!)
• Discover my favorite ADHD resources here
• Get the I’m Busy Being Awesome Planning System here
• Get the Podcast Roadmap here
• Get the ADHD Routine Revamp here

Leave IBBA A Rating & Review!

If you enjoy the podcast, would you be a rockstar and leave a review? Doing so helps others find the show and spreads these tools to even more people.

1. Go to Apple Podcasts
2. Click on the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast
3. Scroll down to the bottom of the page, where you see the reviews.
4. Simply tap five stars; that’s it!
5. Bonus points if you’re willing to leave a few sentences sharing what you enjoy about the podcast or a key takeaway from the episode you just heard. Thanks, friend!

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app. Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for a summary of the key takeaways.