Goal Setting and Planning to Fail for ADHD Adults

Does your ADHD brain have a love-hate relationship with goal setting? Don’t worry; you’re not alone. So many of us experience doubt, skepticism, and resistance to setting goals because we’ve had such negative experiences in the past.

We’ve struggled to follow through on previous goals and resolutions, so we’re convinced we’ll fail again.

Today I’m here to flip the script on the goal-setting process overall by intentionally planning to fail.

Yep, really…and before you raise an eyebrow, consider this.

• What if failing isn’t such a bad thing?
• What if failing is actually a stepping stone to success?
• And what if we can leverage this fact through the art of intentional fail plans?

Intrigued?

Tune in and learn how on episode 233 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast.

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• New ways to intentionally redefine failure
• How we can plan to fail effectively
• A simple approach to support yourself and your goals as you inevitably make them happen.

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Episode #233: Goal Setting and Planning to Fail for ADHD Adults (Transcript)

How are you? This episode comes out the second week of January 2024, which is pretty darn wild. I hope this year is kicking off in the exact way you hoped. And if it’s not, I hope you’re being super gentle with yourself and remind yourself of one of my favorite phrases, which is “this is the part where…” and then you describe what’s happening.

“This is the part where… everyone in the house is sick, and we’re doing the best we can.”

“This is the part where… I’m struggling to transition from the holiday season into this new year energy.” or whatever might be going on for you.

Now, this time of year can be loaded with a lot of emotion for us ADHD brains. I know some of us are all in on setting big goals and resolutions while others of us are not so much. And – as always – it’s a continuum; most of us fall somewhere in between.

I tend to love the fresh start energy of the New Year, especially when done with intention.

So we’re not making completely unreasonable plans for the robot version of ourselves to do ‘all the things.’ I love it when we can approach this fresh start with a sense of clarity and groundedness as we consider what it would look like to use these goals and plans as a way to support ourselves and our ADHD brain in the future.

What would make future me look back and think, “Heck yeah, past self! Thank you for hooking me up. I’m so glad you chose this and leaned in. That was exactly what I needed.”

If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you know I like to choose a word or theme for the year as one of those grounding touch points to help me stay centered and focused throughout the year.

This year, my theme is “be still.”

This is VERY different from any other word I’ve chosen in all the years I’ve been doing this work.

Past year’s words included all-in, courage, joy, committed, and possibility. And this year, I’m grounding myself in the reminder to be still. And I think it will be quite the challenge and adventure, to say the least, which is a little ironic to think about when I’m contemplating stillness.

As a side note, if you’re interested in choosing your word of the year but aren’t quite sure where to start, I have a free workbook that walks you step-by-step through the process, which you can get here.

Goal Setting & Planning to fail

With all of that in mind, this topic of the new year and fresh starts and guiding words and themes and resolutions all have me thinking about failing and, more specifically, the importance of planning to fail.

This may sound a bit strange…You may be thinking, “Wait, what? Isn’t that a bad idea to focus on failing?”

If you are thinking that, good on you. this is not my usual MO. But today, I want to take this idea of planning to fail and turn it on its head just a bit.

I tend to think about the idea of planning to fail in two ways…

Assuming We Won’t Succeed

The first is the approach most of us unintentionally take. We consider a goal or a big project or living into our word of the year, and we think to ourselves, “I sure hope it works this year… Honestly, I’m not quite sure why I’m even trying again. I never stick with anything anyway. I’ll probably just fail.” Or, “Well – let’s see how long this lasts.”

In other words, we’re entering the process assuming we will ultimately fail.

So in a sense, we fail ahead of time by either not setting a goal at all, choosing something completely unrealistic, or not pausing to work through the supports we might need to set ourselves up for success.

That’s NOT the type of planning to fail I’m talking about today.

Being Aware of what Could Go Wrong

The planning to fail I’m talking about it is the power of anticipating the things that will inevitably go wrong as you work toward your goal or lean into your theme for the year and then intentionally planning what you will do to work through those challenges.

So LITERALLY planning for those fails in order to have an action plan in place to support you through the obstacles and keep you moving forward.

–

Today we’re going to…

• Intentionally define what failure means
• Talk about how we can plan to fail effectively
• Explore specific action steps so you can plan to fail in your life in a way that’s supportive of your goals

Definition of Failure

According to Merriam-Webster,

Failure is a “lack of success” or “a falling short.”

Please notice that none of those definitions say anything about your flawed character, or your worth as a human, or whether or not you’re “good enough.”

Failure simply means a lack of success in something or a falling short of something.

Here’s the deal: You can make those definitions mean so many things. Yes, you could make it mean all the painful things we usually do, like we’re not good enough, we didn’t try hard enough, we never follow through etc.

But be honest with yourself – how’s that perspective working out for you?

Alternatively, you could shift that perspective.

For example, what would it be like to start collecting failures from a sense of accomplishment because you know you can intentionally learn from each one?

If you try something and you fall short of your initial expectation, but you get curious and explore what worked, what didn’t, what you can learn, what you want to do differently, and you try again – in a word, you iterate the process. This is something I was just exploring in We’re Busy Being Awesome – my small group coaching program.

When you lean into the practice of iteration, you grow SO FAST. You learn SO MUCH. And you will amaze yourself time and time again about how quickly you move forward and ultimately reach that goal.

On the other hand, you can also decide that if failure means a lack of success or falling short – and you haven’t yet reached the goal – even though you’re past the original timeline – it just means you’re not done yet. Don’t change the goal; just change the deadline. You haven’t failed; you’re still working on it.

You’re either winning, or you’re learning. You can only fail if you quit.

Redefine What Failing Means

So first and foremost, I really encourage you to redefine failure in your mind.

Remember that failing means absolutely nothing about you as a person, your character, or your inherent worth. Instead, it’s simply falling short of your expectations or you weren’t successful at creating or reaching whatever benchmark you set by a specific time. That’s okay.

I think I’ve mentioned the at some point on this podcast that “success is built on a pile of failures,” and I think that’s spot on. If we’re intentional about it, we learn SO MUCH MORE from failure than if we simply win all the time.

Plus, when we can be intentional about what worked and what didn’t, we never actually fail. We’re just learning and growing until we inevitably reach success. Because the only time you can actually fail is if you quit. The rest is just the messy middle on the way to success.

Plan to Fail the Right Way – A How To Guide

So if that’s true, then it’s even more important that we intentionally create plans to fail ahead of time. Of course, things will get in the way. Of course, things will be hard. Let’s plan for that.

How do we do this? How do we plan to fail?

1. Think About Your Goal

First thing first, think about the goal you have chosen, the habit you want to establish, or the resolution you’ve set.

Before we think about any plans, I encourage you to grab a piece of paper and a pen or open up a note on your phone and start identifying all the whispers – or loud shouts – of doubt your brain’s offering that you can’t do it.

Make a note of what’s tripped you up in the past and what you’re worried might get in the way this time.

• List every concern
• Past stumbling blocks
• Every worry that your brain, in its ever-imaginative nature, has conjured up

Some of the things you list might be general; some might be super specific and practical.

For example, generally your brain might offer things like:

Procrastination: Perhaps you’ve found yourself procrastinating in the past when you were facing a really big task. You notice the fear of not completing it on time or that it won’t be good enough keeps you from finishing.

Overwhelm: The sheer magnitude of a project or goal may have left you feeling overwhelmed. You feel paralyzed by the size of the task at hand so you didn’t work on it.

Distractions: External distractions, the constant pull of social media, or the allure of whatever you’ve been streaming might have derailed your focus in the past.

Self-Doubt: That nagging voice questioning your capabilities and worth may have held you back or playing small.

Lack of Motivation: We’ve all had those moments when your brain is bored of the same old project, and you’re searching for the next new idea instead because you can’t seem to generate the motivation you need to stick with it.

Fear of Failure: The very real fear that even with your best efforts, you might fall short, triggering a sense of failure.

These are all general obstacles you might have on your list.

More practically, you might list things like:

Competing demands on your time: You have a finite amount of time each day, and when your daughter is sick, and you can’t get to your tap class, or you can’t stay late at work, all or nothing thinking comes in, and we throw in the towel.

Skill gaps keeping you from taking action: Perhaps you’re facing literal skill gaps. If you’re in a growth year in your business and you want to get into Facebook ads, you may have a literal skill gap where you need to learn something. Perhaps in the past, that lack of knowing made you stop rather than lean in and figure out a solution.

It is SO IMPORTANT to pause and identify what might get in the way before we explore our plans to navigate it.

When we bring these concerns into the light, we see them for what they are. They’re simply obstacles to navigate. That’s it. You can totally navigate obstacles, right?

2. Plan for Obstacles with If-Then Plans

The way I like to plan for and navigate these obstacles is by creating if-then plans.

Essentially these plans act as a roadmap for your ADHD brain, providing clear instructions whenever it veers of course.

They help prevent our brain from slipping into total all-or-nothing thinking and throwing in the towel when we have an off day, off week, or off month when we’re working toward our goals. They give our brain direction and help us quickly get back on track. This helps us continue to make forward progress.

If-Then plans sound a bit like this:

“If I find myself procrastinating on the work project on Tuesday morning, then I will break it down into smaller tasks using the magic to-do app.”

“If I’m still having a hard time transitioning into work, then I will hop on a body double with my colleague or head to a co-working space to give myself that additional support.”

“If I notice clutter piling up at home, then for the following week, I will set an alarm for 15 minutes each day after work to focus on one area of one room to declutter, and I will continue for the entire week.”

So again, we’re planning to fail, but we’re doing it with the intention of helping us get right back on track.

As we talked about a few weeks ago in episode 231, our ADHD brains crave some level of structure and routine. By intentionally designing if-then plans with our brain in mind, we offer exactly that.

By planning to fail and creating if-then plans, we provide ourselves a safety net for when distractions inevitably come up, we lose motivation, or our executive functions simply don’t show up to work for the day or the week.

With these plans in place, you’re not just relying on sheer willpower; you’re setting up a fail-safe system.

How to establish if-then plans 3 steps:

Step 1: Identify obstacles: So how do we create these plans? The first step is to do a thought download of everything that might get in the way of you reaching your goal.

Step 2: Craft Specific Responses: Once you’ve pinpointed potential pitfalls, design precise responses. If X happens, then I will do Y. And we want to make these responses actionable and tailored to your unique obstacles.

Step 3: Visualize Success: Envision yourself successfully navigating through challenges and using those if-then plans. Visualization can enhance your commitment to the plan and increase the likelihood of sticking to it.

Examples of if-then plans

So now let’s talk about specifics.

What could these if-then plans look like?

How might we integrate them into our lives, whether we’re working toward a professional goal, creating a decluttered space, or prioritizing specific relationships?

By creating if-then plans, they serve as a compass, and they guide you through the roadblocks.

Example 1:

In We’re Busy Being Awesome this week, I was coaching somebody on launching their own podcast. Let’s say one of the potential problems you anticipate as you work toward launching your own podcast is creative blocks. In this situation, perhaps you create some different if-then plans to navigate those creative blocks when they inevitably show up.

If I hit a creative block and I notice myself clicking through tabs and reaching for my phone rather than outlining episodes, then I will take a 10-minute break and go for a quick walk around the block to clear my mind.

If I catch myself overthinking and second-guessing my podcast content, then I will set a timer for 15 minutes and engage in a stream-of-consciousness writing exercise to free up my thoughts.

If I catch myself comparing my podcast ideas to others and feeling inadequate, then I will consciously redirect my focus to my audience as I remind myself it’s not about me; it’s about the people whom I can help.

Example 2:

Let’s think about maintaining your decluttered space. Maybe you hired support to get through the stuff, but you’re worried about clutter creep with extra stuff coming back into the house. Then you might create if-then plans like:

If I notice new items accumulating, then I will implement a “one-in, one-out” rule, ensuring that for every new item brought in, I will identify and remove an existing item.

If I find myself tempted to buy or bring home items that may contribute to clutter, then I will pause to ensure I know exactly where the item will live so it has a specific home.

If I notice specific areas becoming the gathering space for clutter, then I will schedule regular “maintenance sessions” where I dedicate a specific time to review and declutter these areas to prevent the buildup.

Example 3:

You’re focused on developing or strengthening some friendships this year.

You might create if-then plans like:

If I find myself overwhelmed or too busy with work or personal commitments and neglecting my friendships, then I will schedule a recurring weekly “Walk & Talk” in my calendar to prioritize and protect time for those meaningful connections & conversations.

If I notice a lapse in communication with a friend and feel hesitant to reach out, then I will set a reminder each week to send a quick message, whether it’s a text, a voice note, or a meme, to let them know I’m thinking of them.

If I sense my friendships are taking a backseat to other priorities, then I will create a fun list of activities or outings I’d love to do with those in my circle, and I will actively work towards checking off one item each week.

The key is to adapt these if-then plans to your unique obstacles and preferences. By proactively addressing what might get in the way of your goals, you put up that safety net to ensure if you slip, it’s a soft landing and easy to get right back on track.

Recap

I hope that you take what resonates with you and run with it.

Remember, you get to choose what failure means, and I’m here to suggest that we redefine it.

Failure doesn’t mean anything about you as a person. It’s not a character flaw or a reflection of your worth. Instead, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. You’re either winning, or you’re learning. Failure only happens if you quit.

As you approach your goals and projects and habits and resolutions, I encourage you to plan to fail – but do so with intention.

Anticipate the obstacles that will get in the way:

• List every doubt, stumbling block, or worry your brain comes up with. Consider big and small obstacles, specific situations, and emotions that keep you stuck.
• Then remind your brain that these obstacles are simply challenges to navigate; they’re not insurmountable barriers.

Craft Specific Responses:

• Using the if-then model, design precise responses for each obstacle.
• If this happens, then I will do that.
• Make your responses small, actionable, and tailored to your unique situation.

Visualize Success:

• Envision yourself successfully navigating challenges to help strengthen your commitment to sticking to your plan.