How to Make a Change with ADHD: Inside and Outside Jobs

Learning how to make a change with ADHD can be a tough one.

“Change is the only constant in life.” This quote used to leave me feeling untethered. Uncertain. Lacking control.

(Not surprisingly…my brain didn’t like it.)

But then I realized something. While I can’t control all the changes happening around me…

I do have control over the changes I initiate myself.

I can intentionally choose the goals that expand me as a person…

…and the challenges that help me step into more of who I am.

In episode 196 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, we’re looking at two key components of this kind of intentional change.

We explore the critical role both parts play to ensure we make the change happen and also make it last.

Whether you’re thinking about changing jobs, switching up your morning routine, or trying a new approach to organizing the endless paper piles around your home, this episode has your name on it.

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.   

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript. 

In Episode #196: How To Make A Change With ADHD, You Will Discover

• The power of intentional change in your life
• How to make a change with ADHD: 2 essential components
• What you can do to make change last

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Episode #196: How to Make a Change with ADHD: Inside and Outside Jobs (Transcript) 

Today we are talking about the process of intentional change in our lives. We’re looking at it through two lenses, both of which are required to establish and maintain whatever change it is we want to make.

As we’ll talk more in-depth today, I’ve found that most of us tend to overlook at least one of these steps.

The Value of Change

Before we dive in, I want to talk about the value of change generally.

I think wanting to make changes in our lives is a beautiful thing – and especially for those of us with ADHD and ADHD tendencies. As you may already know, having the challenge and novelty of something new brings a sense of delight and interest that helps us lean in; it helps us figure out solutions to whatever obstacles that change presents us.

Not surprisingly – as I’ve talked about it repeatedly on this podcast – I am a big proponent of setting goals and challenges and anything that helps stretch us. I think it’s fun.

However, We Can Also Use Change Against Us

This is especially important for those of you who might feel resistant to goals or habits or making changes, or on the flip side, you feel almost a sense of desperation to make a change.

Chances are, in both situations, the story behind making a change is more of a “should” or “need to” rather than a desire or want.

It’s an intellectual yes, rather than a full-body yes. It feels heavy rather than light. Essentially, we start using this desire for change and growth against ourselves when we tell ourselves the story that something in us is broken that we need to fix, or that something’s wrong that we need to make right.

If your brain starts telling some version of this story, please check in.

Get to know that story. Question it.

• Do you like your reasons for wanting to make the change?
• Are you telling yourself, “I should just be better at XYZ.” Or I need to “look better,” or “show up like that,” or “present like them.”

This type of language is usually a clear sign that the change you think you “should” make is not a change done for YOU. Rather, it’s a change based on outer expectations – whether they’re direct or perceived expectations.

The changes that we’re talking about making today – whether it’s a new goal you want to reach or a habit you want to establish, a routine you want to stick with, a move or a new job. Whatever change you have in your mind, we want to make sure that these changes are full-body yeses. That they are changes you genuinely want to make. They are not coming from an outside source, and they are not a heavy ‘should’ or an intellectual yes.

Before you lean into the tools and the concepts that we’ll talk about in today’s episode, make sure you’re focused on things you genuinely want to do. This is important.

It’s important not only because I want for you to fill your life with the things that you genuinely love. But also because doing what you love and what lights you up will bring the most success for you and your ADHD brain.

Our Lives Are Constantly Changing

Now, it is no secret that our lives are constantly changing.

I always love the truth in that saying that “the one constant in life is change.”

It’s so true, isn’t it? Things are always changing. And while some of that change involves things in the world happening around us, and we need to respond to those things, I also think there are many opportunities where we can bring intention and thoughtfulness into making changes for ourselves.

I think there’s a lot of opportunity for us to create the changes WE want to make in our lives and decide how we want to make them. And that’s what we’re focused on today. The two key components of intentional change and how we can use both parts to make that change happen.

When we think about making intentional change, I think of it as being both an inside and outside job.

As I mentioned, we often tend to miss one of these parts.

I think it’s safe to bet that the majority of the people listening to this podcast tend to skip over the inside job. We’re all about the outside job, but we tend to skip the inside job.

As we talk about both components today, I invite you to notice whether one is more familiar or natural for you than the other period because it might very well be that you feel more comfortable with the inside job and tend to miss the outside job. Or maybe it’s a little bit of both depending on what type of goal or habit, or change you want to make.

As I said, I think most of us tend to focus on making change via the outside job.

Making A Change: Inside Job Vs. Outside Job

First things first – if you want to know how to make a change with ADHD, you must know the difference between an inside and outside job.

These terms can be used in a huge variety of contexts.

An Inside Job

More traditionally, I think about an inside job as work that can be done from within a company or business. You don’t have to hire someone from the outside, someone from the inside can work on the challenge or the goal or the obstacle and find a solution.

Now when we think about making a change for ourselves, it’s a similar concept.

An inside job is a change that happens within ourselves. It’s happening from the inside. It looks like changing your beliefs or the stories you tell yourself. It might be shifting your negative self-talk to self-talk with greater compassion and understanding.

People on the outside might not see the work you’re doing, but it plays a big role in making those lasting changes we want.

An Outside Job

Alternatively, if a company is facing an obstacle they may also need to bring in someone from the outside. They may need to bring in a consultant or attend trainings outside of the company in order to find that solution.

From a personal perspective, when it comes to outside jobs, we have changes that happen in our external environment.

These are things that we do on the outside or changes we make on the outside.

For Example – if you’re looking to…

• Build a business, you start thinking about what offer or product that people need so you can offer it.
• Increase your productivity, maybe you tell yourself you need to find a planner that will help you get organized.
• Get a new job that pays more, you might decide you need to focus on networking and sending out your resume.
• If we think about the dialogue around making a change or building habits, or establishing routines, we’ll find the outside job is what we usually talk about.

It’s the answer to the question, “well, what should I do? What can I do to stick with this habit? What can I do to follow through on my schedule? Just tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.” (Does this sound familiar?) Most of us get really reliant on the outside job because it’s visual and tangible, and it’s easier to see our progress.

Now the truth is, the outside job is incredibly important.

We do need to do things to create results. Yes. But what is equally if not more important is the inside job. In other words, we need both.

For some of us who focus almost exclusively on the outside jobs, we may find that we’d benefit even more by putting additional energy toward the inside job. We may find that will get more transformation and change by putting the majority of our energy into the inside work. In fact, in my case, I found that by lining up my focus in that way, the actions of my outside jobs became very clear very fast.

So let’s dive in and talk about both of these stages – the inside job and the outside job – and what they each look like and why they’re both so important.

How To Make a Change With ADHD: The Inside Job

As I mentioned earlier, the inside job focuses on shifting beliefs and stories and attitudes from the inside.

This is so critical for anybody when it comes to making a change, and especially important for those of us with ADHD and ADHD tendencies.

Because staying consistent and following through on new habits and routines and making progress and following through on big goals is extra challenging for our executive functions, many of us have a lot of past data that we have gathered in our mind that we’re not good at goals.

We can’t follow through on projects.

We never stick with habits.

We go all in for a week and then we quit.

And because we’ve repeated these stories so often, they start to sound like facts. We just think of them as the truth. It’s Tuesday April 4^th at 10:33 AM Eastern Time, and I’m bad at following through on things. All facts.

But of course, that last statement is not a fact. We can’t prove that.

You can’t take a blood test to confirm that you’re bad at following through on things. This is just a story that we’ve adopted.

Even though it’s just a story, it can impact everything.

Why? When we genuinely believe that we can’t follow through on anything, we feel defeated before we even begin. Therefore, many of us don’t even begin because we’re thinking to ourselves, what’s the point? It’s not like i can stick with it.

If we do, however, generate the motivation to dive in and get started, the moment we hit a roadblock, that story comes in. And it reminds us, see? I knew we wouldn’t be able to do it. I knew we’d skip a day. I knew we couldn’t stick with it. Let’s just stop.

Then we add more evidence to the evidence bank.

This inside job matters.

This is where inner work is important

It is so important to do this inner work, so you can…

• Gain traction.
• Build up strength to stick with it even when it’s hard
• Build up the strength and resilience to bounce back when things don’t go as planned
• Gain the self acceptance and understanding and compassion that allows you to embrace not only the good parts, but also the hard parts
• Play a key role in your experience.

In order to make a change, you have to believe you can do it.

Really, it’s true. You don’t have to believe it 100%, but you need to believe that it’s in the realm of possibility.

Otherwise, the amount of willpower you will need to push yourself through is completely unreasonable. You will be white-knuckling it, forcing yourself to keep taking action after action until everything collapses.

I promise you, speaking from personal experience, getting stuck in this tense means of pushing through without the belief behind it leaves you feeling very brittle. It leaves you feeling uncertain. It leaves you doubting your abilities and wondering when other people will find out you’re just barely hanging on.

So if you want to make a change, I’m telling you, the inside work is where it’s at.

Give yourself the gift of doing that inside work; it’s everything. It is the foundation on which incredible change is built.

And as you have likely experienced with past attempts at goals or habits or routines or changes generally, if you don’t have that strong foundation- if you build something on a weak foundation, as soon as something shakes it, it comes collapsing down. So build that foundation.

Do the inside work.

• Start shifting those beliefs in yourself and your abilities
• Learn the skills of self compassion and understanding
• Learn more about your brain and what works best for you
• And learn how to do this without judgment, expecting yourself to be different than you are

This is how we do the inside job. This is how we make those changes. It’s everything.

When you hear yourself saying some version of, I know what to do, I’m just not doing it. The reason we’re not doing it is the inside work. We haven’t done it yet. Start doing the inside work, and you’ll start doing the thing so much more often. I promise you.

To Help You Do The Inside Work…

• Challenge those negative thoughts. Are they actually true?
• Make space to intentionally focus on your strengths.
  • What are you good at?
  • What do you enjoy doing? Let’s celebrate that.
• Be patient with yourself. Remember that change takes time. Don’t expect to change your beliefs and mindset overnight. Practice compassion and keep working at it.

And of course, depending on the topics you’re navigating, this is a great space to find support with a coach or a therapist, too.

As a side note: Over the next several weeks, we will explore lots of ways to do both the inside and outside work right here on the podcast, so if you’re not yet, make sure you’re subscribed in your podcast player so you can stay up to date on the latest strategies and approaches built specifically for our ADHD brains. If you’re reading this before the end of May, I have a free training coming up, which I am super excited about. This week I’ve been mapping everything out and planning the topics, and I just cannot wait to share more details with you.

For now, add your name to the waitlist for the FREE TRAINING. You will get all of the information sent directly to your inbox with a couple of reminders right before the training begins so that you don’t miss it. I’m telling you, this is going to be good. I only do these trainings a couple of times a year, and I’m really switching this one up.

How To Make a Change With ADHD: The Outside Job

Now let’s talk about the outside job. Again, I think many of us in the busy awesome community are pretty familiar with the outside job.

We’re usually not too reluctant to find a new tool or a new strategy and give it a try.

The challenge is that we are trying it while thinking to ourselves, “I don’t know if this will work… Hopefully this will be the thing that ‘fixes’ me. Hopefully, this will be the solution for my broken brain.” If you notice this negative chatter, again, clean up that inside talk. Do that inside work. I know I’m a broken record, but I’m telling you, that work will make a night and day difference in the effectiveness of the outside job.

So now let’s talk about exactly that. The outside job.

The outside job includes all the changes you make on the outside.

It might involve:

• Getting a new job
• Moving to a new city
• Practicing a habit
• Sending out resumes
• Scheduling a routine with reminders in your Alexa

In other words, in order for us to make a change or establish a habit or reach a goal, we also need to take action. Full stop. Yes, our stories and beliefs are incredibly important – the most important even.

Taking action follows as a close second. Because even if you believe with all your heart that you can learn tap dancing, until you get up and try a shuffle ball change, you won’t start developing that skill.

So as you’re working on the inside job, we must also be working on the outside job. We must take those small, persistent steps forward in the direction of whatever goal or objective we set.

As the saying goes, “nothing changes if nothing changes.”

So, are you willing to take that first step and do something different?

And when your brain tells you that you can’t do it, you might fail, you’ll probably mess up; are you willing to continue the inside work of challenging those stories as you lean into the outside work as well?

As the title of this podcast suggests, change is an inside and outside job. We need both for lasting change. Sure, you could think positive thoughts all day long and maybe you’ll suddenly manifest something at some point…maybe. Or you could – more likely – white knuckle it, forcing yourself to take the actions as you constantly doubt yourself and your abilities. But I’m telling you, that’s not sustainable. Not for the long game.

The secret To Change comes in the balance.

It comes in the ebb and flow of inside and outside work.

It comes in…

• Nurturing our beliefs
• Gathering evidence for our brain that whatever that specific thing we want to do IS possible
• Taking those small steps to make that true

When we hit a road block and our confidence falters, we head right back inside to do a little more work there.

Ebb and flow. Inside and outside. One then the other.

And before you know it, the change has happened, and you’ll be ready for the next area of growth. Because that’s what makes us come alive. That’s what it’s all about.

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Alright my friends. That’s going to do it for us this week. If you’re ready to take this work further, be sure to add your name to the waitlist for my free training in May. You won’t want to miss it!

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