3 Powerful Lessons To Embrace Endings and New Beginnings

Endings and new beginnings.

We navigate them often throughout our lives.

And as Mr. Rogers reminds us, “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”

I recently closed a 16-year chapter of my life when I waved goodbye to Massachusetts with teary eyes and a grateful heart.

Grateful for the memories, for the laughter, for the love, and for the challenges that made me who I am today.

And now, I look with excitement and anticipation to the promise of new beginnings as I start my next adventure living in Minnesota. 

Over the past several weeks, I’ve discovered three key lessons that offered support and guidance through this big transition.

And in episode 202 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, I share how to apply these lessons to any endings or new beginnings you might be navigating in your life.

Whether you’re leaving a job, ending a relationship, releasing an old identity, or making a big move yourself, each ending plays a key role in sparking the beginning of something new.

The three lessons I share in episode 202 are here to help guide you through it.

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.   

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript. 

In This Episode #202: 3 Lessons To Embrace Endings & New Beginnings, You’ll Discover:

• The power of endings and new beginnings
• 3 key lessons that help us navigate big transitions
• How you can apply these lessons to your life

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Episode #202: 3 Powerful Lessons To Embrace Endings and New Beginnings (Transcript) 

While I’m sure it doesn’t feel like this on your end, it seems like it’s been such a long time since I’ve sat down to talk with you.

It’s been such a whirlwind in the Engebretson household over the last couple of weeks.

We closed on our house in Massachusetts last week, packed up the moving trucks, and drove from Massachusetts back to Minnesota. And now, we are in the process of transition as we find our next house.

With all the changes and transitions happening recently combined with the 26ish-hour drive, I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I’ve been reflecting a lot on the experience and power of endings and beginnings and the role that they both play in our lives.

Navigating Endings & Beginnings

Endings and beginnings are something that we all regularly navigate, both on the big and small scale.

For example We have endings and beginnings with:

• Winter, we have the end of one year and the beginning of the next
• Birthdays, we have a similar closure of our personal year and a new beginning of our next one ahead.
• The holiday season
• The school year ending and the beginning of summer
• Jobs, and many of us have endings and beginnings with entirely different careers
• Relationships.
• Specific projects we’ve been working on
• Groups we’ve been a part of

And most recently for me, I’ve had many different endings and new beginnings wrapped up in this move.

As I mentioned, I have had a lot of time to think while packing up this life that I’ve lived over the past 16 years in MA and making the drive back to MN with Bruno in the back seat.

I reflected quite a bit on the power and the emotion that’s often wrapped up in these transition periods.

I thought about the sense of closure and finality that often accompanies an ending and the possibility and anticipation that can come with a fresh beginning, and the way that these two overlap in significant ways.

There is a Mr. Rogers quote that’s been really present in my mind over the last month or so. It reads,

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”

I think this is spot on.

There is this blurring between the ending of one experience and the beginning of another. When we have awareness of that powerful transition, and we allow ourselves to genuinely be in it and stay present with what it has to offer – it is quite powerful.

That’s what I would love to explore with you today. I would love to share with you some of the key takeaways that I’ve uncovered for myself as I close one chapter and begin the next.

As I share these lessons, I’ll also put them in context and expand outward so you can apply them to whatever transitions you’re navigating in your life. Because as I mentioned, all of us experience endings and beginnings regularly, both big and small.

By taking these lessons and concepts and applying them in a way that feels supportive for you, it can help ease what could otherwise seem like a challenging or uncomfortable time.

Now, it won’t remove the challenge of navigating transitions entirely. I do, however, think there’s a way to remove some layers of that discomfort as we move through whatever’s front and center in our lives right now.

3 Lessons To Navigate Endings and Beginnings

There are three main takeaways that I want to share with you today.

• There was a surprising lesson
• An opportunity for some powerful reflection
• A really grounding reminder that the human experience is both messy and exactly right – filled with big feelings – of high highs and low lows. It’s the emotional, messy, and beautiful experience that we signed up for. That’s why we’re here. That’s what it means to be human.

As we’ll talk about today, I think when we can learn to open ourselves up to this messiness in a supportive way that stretches us without snapping us, that’s when the magic happens. I think of it like a hair tie.

You want to have that right amount of stretch so that it’s tight enough to hold your hair in place.

If it’s not tight at all, it will fall right out of your hair, and your hair will not stay. If it’s too tight, you risk snapping the hair tie or at least giving yourself a headache because your hair is pulled back so tightly.

Similarly, we don’t want to stretch so far that we snap.

However, we want to find that balanced level of stretch that allows us to lean in and challenge ourselves to live in this emotional experience of being a human.

So let’s talk about it.

1. Expect Big Emotions

As I mentioned, the first big takeaway I experienced as I navigated the ending of this 16-year chapter in my life in Massachusets and shifted into the new beginning of this next chapter in Minnesota came as a bit of a surprise. And I was surprised by how genuinely emotional I was about the experience as a whole.

Now you may hear me say this and think to yourself, “duh, of course, it was emotional. You’re moving from your first home of eight years and your life for the last 16 years. Of course, you would be emotional.”

But here’s the deal, I was so ready to move. I wanted to move back to Minnesota and be near my family so badly.

Ever since the late fall/early winter of 2020, I knew I was ready to move. And from the time I left my full-time career as a professor to start the next chapter as a coach full-time in 2021 – side note, another ending and new beginning – it was no longer a fleeting idea. It was an actual desire – a full body yes.

It wasn’t a question of if we’d move but rather when.

In fact, I had even planned to move the year before in 2022, and then we had to change our plans a bit. So, when I tell you I was ready to move, I was genuinely ready to move.

When these big emotions of sadness and grief began bubbling up to the surface as I began packing my things, it initially threw me for a loop.

I started thinking to these emotions, “where did you come from? What are you doing here? Why on earth would I be sad right now?”

Probably the best way I could label how I’ve felt over the last month is this deeply bittersweet experience filled with sadness, gratitude, and excitement all wrapped into one.

It was this emotional experience of closing a big chapter of my life – a chapter that had been filled with so much challenge but also so much growth and discovery. I’m telling you, I am a completely different person from when I moved out to MA for grad school in 2007. 

So, this was a chapter that I intellectually thought I was 100% ready to leave behind. And yet, those emotions kept popping up.

Now, a past version of myself would have likely pushed those feelings away.

In fact, I might not have even recognized them for what they were. I would have just been snappy and crabby. Ryan would have had to walk on eggshells around me. I’d blame my moodiness on not getting enough sleep or that the move itself was just so stressful. (Both of which were very real realities as well, btw).

However, because I’ve learned to recognize and validate and allow myself to experience my big emotions, which so many of us ADHDers have. And because I’ve learned how to check in with myself and take care of myself and what I need as I move through these emotions, I was able to recognize that nothing had gone wrong here.

I don’t need to fix anything because I’m feeling this way.

Instead, these emotions were part of the process. And while I wasn’t expecting to feel them – it turns out the closing of this chapter – this ending – brought with it a lot of emotion. As I recognized what was happening, I slowed down to check in with myself and learn what was happening.

Key Takeaway

With this first lesson, I encourage you to think about any area in your life where you might be going through an ending or considering an ending.

• Maybe you’re in the thick of an ending like I was.
• It could be the end of a school year or a semester.
• Maybe be the ending of a job.
• Perhaps you were the president of a group in your community, and your term has ended.
• It could be the ending of a relationship – either a romantic relationship or a friendship.
• It might even be an identity shift. Maybe you’re letting go or closing a chapter on an identity you carried for years.

Many of my clients who have a newer ADHD diagnosis or are really learning about their diagnosis for the first time go through this very process.

They start leaving their old identity behind.

They learn to release their identity of being a hot mess, of not having their act together, of being unreliable or spacey.

They might feel ready to take off their mask of people pleasing and perfectionism that they relied on so heavily to stay safe and fit in in the neurotypical world.

They’re ready to leave that identity behind and step into the true version of themselves underneath that mask.

So again, whatever type of ending you might be navigating, the first lesson I want to reinforce for you is that…

Whatever emotions come up as you approach this ending are exactly right. There are no “wrong emotions.” You’re not doing it wrong. And it’s also not a sign that you’ve made a wrong decision.

I think a lot of us experience uncomfortable emotions of sadness or grief or loss or disappointment or regret, and we immediately think that it’s a signal that we’ve made a wrong decision. We make it mean that we’ve made a mistake – that we shouldn’t be leaving the job or ending the relationship, or making the move.

This was such a powerful lesson for me over the past several weeks. I genuinely knew throughout my entire body that making the move was the best decision I could possibly make. It was a complete and total full body ‘yes.’ There was no uncertainty in that decision.

And yet, I still had grief, sadness, and loss come up frequently.

Moments of doubt arose as my brain came in trying to protect me, questioning whether it was the right time, and fear came up when I thought about making the drive myself.

I felt overwhelm try to sneak in as I navigated all the moving parts of this process, which seemed to essentially melt my executive functions on some days.

Again, I could have taken these strong emotions as a sign that I was making a wrong decision. I could have made it mean that I should just stay.

My brain could have tried to convince me, “If I’m feeling so much sadness or grief or loss or fear, surely it means I’m making a wrong decision.” But because I’ve learned what a full body yes feels like, how to ground myself in what is true for me, and I’ve built up my trust muscle in myself, I knew that I was making the right decision for myself and my family.

I knew that these emotions were just part of the process.

This is the part where I feel sad… I feel grief, I navigate the messiness of the human experience. And it’s all happening right on time.

And as a side note, I will link to podcast episodes where I dive specifically into the concept of the full body yes, as well as how I use that thought “this is the part where…” to help me navigate uncertainty or uncomfortable emotion. So check for those in the show notes if you haven’t heard them yet. See in show notes at the end of this post.

But again, lesson #1, when you’re ending a chapter in your life or an experience or situation is coming to a close, is to allow whatever emotions arise to be there. Let them wash over you. Be present with them.

They’re not inherently a sign that you’ve made the wrong decision. Instead, they’re part of the process. And as we will talk about in the second lesson, they may also be here to teach you something.

2. Opportunity For Reflection and Learning

As I’ve navigated these endings and beginnings, it’s also reinforced how much opportunity there is for reflection and learning. There’s so much space to discover more about yourself and your journey and what genuinely matters to you.

As I mentioned, when I first noticed these stronger emotions coming up, they came as a surprise. I did not anticipate feeling so much sadness and grief. (Overwhelm and stress… sure. I planned for that.) But I was not anticipating the heavy sadness that would come along for the ride.

Now, because I’ve done a lot of work around practicing the art of the pause, I’ve also learned to lean in and allow these emotions to be present.

In doing this, it also gave me space to reflect on what I can learn from their presence.

What does this mean?

Well, rather than judging myself, thinking, “why on earth am I feeling this way? I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I should just feel happy. I should feel excited. Oh no, does this mean I’m making a mistake?”

Rather than letting my brain go down this rabbit hole, I instead got quiet.

And I took some slow breaths as I felt the heaviness in my chest and the tightening in my throat and the pressure behind my eyes.

I thought to myself, this is sadness. This is loss. This is grief. And I asked myself with compassion, “why does it make perfect sense that I’m feeling this way? Of course, I’m feeling this way. Here’s why.”

Rather than judging myself thinking, I shouldn’t feel this way – because if I feel this way it means something’s wrong – I instead allowed the truth of those feelings to come to the foreground. When I gave myself that space to let the answers arise so I could better understand why I was feeling these emotions so strongly, I was really touched by what I uncovered.

I mentioned in passing, until the last 4 years or so, this last chapter of my life was very challenging.

They were filled with such strong doubt and self-criticism. There was so much impostor syndrome, and I felt completely lost. This was especially true for the first 9 or 10 years before I was diagnosed with ADHD.

But then I got my diagnosis. I discovered coaching. And I started doing the work to not only better understand and accept myself and my brain but also learn how to work with it.

I learned how to release the “shoulds” of how I thought I “should” live my life. I finally started leaning into what I wanted. I started learning about who I actually was behind the mask of people-pleasing and perfectionism. I started connecting with people who truly knew me and liked me for me rather than the facade I thought I had to wear to fit in.

While this journey of discovery was incredibly challenging, it was also such a powerful transformation that helped me find who I am.

I hadn’t gone on this journey to live out east. If I hadn’t gone through the process of getting my master’s and doctorate undiagnosed and navigating my postdoc and professorship with ADHD. If I hadn’t done that work, I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am now. I wouldn’t have found me.

I had to leave what was known and familiar – which was my life in Minnesota – in order to come home to myself and who I was. And once I found her, I was ready to back come home to Minnesota, too. It was a journey I had to take.

When I really slowed down to listen to my emotions and reflect on why it made sense that I felt these big feelings, I learned this piece of myself. The biggest emotion coming up was so much gratitude for the experience.

Gratitude for the challenges that shaped me and stretched me it made me who I am. Gratitude and appreciation for the home that sheltered me and witnessed that growth and transformation.

It’s kind of like when you get sad at the end of a really good book. You’ve been with the character through the challenges of the ups and downs. And while the story wraps up and makes sense that it’s about to end, you’re still sad it’s over. It feels a little bit like that right now. In fact it’s still raw and fresh as I share it; I can feel that emotion coming up again.

One of the biggest shifts for myself that I’ve been able to witness over the past month or so was realizing I didn’t feel the need to resist or avoid those heavy emotions anymore.

Once I made space to reflect – step two of reflecting and listening to the emotion – I could validate these emotions and understand what they were here to teach me.

I was able to learn so much.

I was able to reflect on this incredible journey that I’ve been on and really experience that deep gratitude for the entire process along the way. It was so challenging AND I wouldn’t do anything different.

Each challenge:

• Made me stronger
• Brought me closer to home within myself
• Helped me know myself better

And because I didn’t push away those emotions like we talked about in step 1, and I instead allowed the feelings to be there, I learned some truly powerful lessons from them. I was able to absorb what they were here to teach me.

Key Takeaway For You

On your journey, if you are in the process of an ending, or you’re navigating a new beginning, and you notice some big emotions come up, I invite you to be with them.

• Take some slow breaths.
• Notice how they physically feel in your body.
• What are the sensations?

As I mentioned, I felt the sadness and the grief and the gratitude in my chest and my throat, and my eyes.

As you focus on those sensations and how they feel in your body, check in and pay attention to what they’re here to share with you. It’s here for a reason.

By making time for that reflection, you can learn from it. When you make that space to learn, it becomes so much easier to move through the emotion to the other side as you step into the excitement and possibility of the new beginnings.

3. It’s Okay If This Transition Feels Emotionally Messy

The third lesson that I’ve taken away from this experience of moving and embracing endings and new beginnings focuses on the importance of letting it all be messy.

Allow yourself the full human experience.

Allow yourself to ugly cry, to be still, to step away and be alone.

Or alternatively, allow yourself to reach out and create connection.

Do exactly what you need to support yourself in whatever is coming up. Let it be messy as you do it. It’s supposed to be messy. That’s how endings and new beginnings work. It’s not a step by step process, not a checklist in a specific order. It’s messy.

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As a Side Note:

I’m having this weird jump in my brain to a television show that I used to watch when I was little on Nickelodeon. Some of you may remember this. The show is called Pete and Pete.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, the show was about two brothers who were both named Pete; the episode I’m thinking about was titled Inspector 34. And in the episode, there was an inspector.

And by inspector, I mean the person who inspects items of clothing. You know how you get shirts that say inspected by and a number? Well on this show, Inspector 34 was one of those inspectors. And somehow, he got connected with little Pete and the town where the show takes place. So everybody was in awe of Inspector 34’s sheer perfection.

They celebrate how he’s perfect in every way. But then there’s a scene where Inspector 34 eats BBQ chicken. And he eats it perfectly. The bones are stacked neatly. And he refuses a to use a wet nap from little Pete because he was so clean about it that he didn’t need it.

Well, it was at that moment that everyone in the town essentially snapped out of their awe of his perfection. Because they realized his perfect approach to eating BBQ chicken was “wrong.” 

You’re supposed to get messy when you eat BBQ chicken. You’re supposed to need a wet nap. That’s how you do it. The mess is part of the experience. And for some reason, my brain jumped to this show I haven’t seen or probably even thought about since 1994.

But anyway – just as eating BBQ is supposed to be messy, so are endings and new beginnings. They’re not supposed to be perfect. It’s not supposed to be clean and tidy and without emotion. They’re supposed to be the human experience. They’re supposed to have ups and downs.

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So when the excitement of the new beginning presents itself, allow yourself to revel it. Start dreaming of what’s to come. Think about the new opportunities and the new ideas, and the fresh perspectives. This is amazing. That’s something I’ve absolutely delighted in as I look at different houses and imagine Ryan and me living in them.

Allow the joy to be there.

AND, if a split second later you feel the sadness or heaviness or grief when you think about the ending, let it come in, too.

Ride that wave. It’s right on time.

Again, as Mr. Rogers reminds us, “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”

It all blends together. This is that transition period – the messy middle. This is the part where it’s uncomfortable, where we have our high highs and our low lows. This is the roller coaster of moving through endings and new beginnings. This is transition.

As I’ve talked about on the podcast before, for many of us ADHD brains, transitions are extra hard. So again, if it feels messy, that’s okay. Nothing has gone wrong. Let it be messy. Don’t make the messiness mean that you’re doing it wrong. Don’t make the messiness mean that you’re off track. You’re not.

I think this can be a really sneaky area that gets many of us second-guessing ourselves.

As I mentioned earlier, sometimes, when we decide to take off our armor and remove our ADHD mask – when we release the people pleasing and start owning what’s true for us – we have an ending to move through.

We have an identity to release.

That ending can bring a lot of emotion.

We might:

• Experience doubt or uncertainty, or fear.
• Worry about ending our relationship with our past selves who wore their mask for years to fit in.
• Worry about ending relationships with others who might not like the changes.

We have our true selves to step into.

There is always a new beginning to embrace. This also brings a whole lot of emotion. It might be a sense of freedom that comes with knowing who you are and honoring yourself and your needs rather than shoving them down to make sure everyone else is happy even though you’re not.

There’s the relief and love and confidence that comes from releasing the shame that you’ve likely carried for years, thinking you “should be able to do things differently- like everybody else” and recognizing instead that you can do it YOUR WAY.

Feeling empowered knowing that your way is right for YOU. And often, all of these emotions mix up together, which is what makes these transitions feel so intense. And again, that’s okay.

Let it be messy. This is all part of it. You will move through it. I promise.

Final Thoughts

So whether you’re closing the chapter of your masked identity as you step into more of who you are and feel the possibility and freedom that comes with learning to accept and work with your ADHD brain.

Or you’ve reached the end of a big project, and you’re ready for the creativity and dopamine rush of something new.

Maybe you’ve decided to shift careers, and you’re embarking on the challenge and novelty of this next part of your journey in a new field.

Or you’re swept up in the possibility of a new relationship. Maybe you’re also making a big move like me.

Whatever endings and new beginnings you’re navigating, allow it to be messy and be with whatever comes your way.

Allow yourself to feel the excitement and delight of what’s to come.

Allow yourself to feel the sadness and grief of what’s ending.

And allow yourself to be with the gratitude for all of it.

When you give yourself the space to be with all of it – the highs and the lows – the comfortable and uncomfortable emotions – that’s what allows you to truly be present with the human experience.

This is what allows you to lean in, move through it, and grow from it. That’s when you’re busy being awesome.

If you’re looking for a place to navigate your endings and new beginnings, if you want support and guidance, and coaching from someone who can walk alongside you and help you make the most of your experience along the way, We’re Busy Being Awesome, my small group coaching program could be just what you’re looking for.

This is a four month coaching program where you not only get the specific tools and strategies built for an ADHD brain by and ADHD brain that helps you release perfectionism, stop procrastinating, and follow through on your plans so you get things done, but we also meet in our small group of 10-15 people each week for coaching and guidance from me to help ensure you have what your unique brain needs to thrive.

If you’re ready to step into your new beginning, We’re Busy Being Awesome has the exact framework to help you create it. Learn more HERE. I have both an evening and daytime cohort available to meet different scheduling needs, and I’d love to see you there. It’s time to get the support you deserve as you embark on this next chapter of your life.