Overpromising and ADHD: What’s Actually Going On

If you’ve ever said yes to something and felt a flicker of dread almost immediately after, about how it will fit into your week, you already know what ADHD overpromising and underdelivering feels like from the inside.

Sometimes it’s an external commitment: a project, a favor, a deadline you agreed to without pausing to check the calendar first.

Sometimes it’s internal: an expectation we set for ourselves that turns out to be closer to a perfectionist fantasy than a realistic plan.

Either way, the gap between what we said we’d do and what actually happened can quickly turn into a story about who we are and what we’re capable of, and that story tends to stick around a lot longer than the moment that created it.

Today we’re covering what overpromising and underdelivering actually is, why ADHD brains are especially prone to this pattern, and how to start working with the stories we’ve built around it using a method called equal airtime.

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app. Prefer to read? No problem. Keep scrolling for a summary of key takeaways.

In Episode 365, we’re exploring:

• What overpromising and underdelivering actually is, and the two layers underneath it
• The four ADHD-specific reasons this pattern shows up so often, including one that doesn’t get talked about enough
• How to start using the equal airtime method to look at where this pattern shows up in your own life

What Is Overpromising and Underdelivering, Really?

When we talk about overpromising and underdelivering, there are two layers worth naming. They’re related, but they work a little differently.

The Behavior Layer

The first layer is the behavior itself: the gap between what we say we’ll do and what we actually do. This shows up in so many contexts. Professional commitments, creative projects, personal favors, timelines we set for ourselves. It doesn’t have to be some dramatic failure that completely blew up in our faces to count. Sometimes it’s just a small gap between the expectation and the reality.

In fact, it might not be (and often isn’t) a gap that others even notice. Quite often it’s just a gap that we perceive. But either way, this first layer is the actual gap between what was done and what was originally planned.

The Story Layer

The second layer is the story we tell about what that gap means. The behavior on its own is just information. It’s data. The story we tell about that data, though, is what turns a pattern into an identity.

For many of us, the stories tend to sound like: “I can’t be trusted.” “People won’t believe me when I have a new idea.” “I don’t know what I’m actually capable of.” “I’m going to let people down.” “I don’t even want to try, people will just be disappointed.” “I shouldn’t even apply for this new role, I’m sure I’d blow it if I got it anyway.”

We develop these beliefs and make them so clearly about who we are, and not surprisingly, they can really keep us stuck. That’s what we’re here to work with today.

Why This Is So Common for ADHD Brains

Let’s start by exploring four specific reasons this pattern shows up for many of us with ADHD brains. There are probably more reasons we could find, but these are the four that stand out most often.

Time Blindness

The first is ADHD time blindness. As you’ve likely experienced, our brains struggle to gauge how long something will take. When we agree to something, we’re often committing based on the idea of it: the exciting, abstract possibility, not a realistic sense of what it will actually involve. The future task doesn’t feel real yet.

This connects to changes in dopamine regulation and reduced activation in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive function, including how we perceive and estimate time. You see, ADHD brains are deeply anchored in the present moment when it comes to feeling the passage of time. The past and future are both a little hazy. So when we’re saying yes to something that lives in the future, we’re essentially agreeing to a task that doesn’t fully exist in our experience yet. Regardless of how important that thing is, we have a hard time mapping out or feeling the importance of a project deadline that’s still months out.

As Barkley talks about, time for ADHD brains is either Now or Not Now. And when we’re agreeing to things, filled with excitement and possibility, we’re usually agreeing while living in the land of “Not Now.”

Difficulty Planning and Breaking Things Down

Building on this, the second reason is difficulty with planning and breaking things down. Executive dysfunction, which research suggests affects 80 to 90 percent of adults with ADHD on a daily basis, makes it hard to map out a project and fully understand the scope before agreeing to it. Working memory gaps mean we can’t always hold all the variables at once, and on top of that, we struggle to break a big project into smaller parts and sequence them in the right order. So we say yes without a full picture of what it involves, because accessing that full picture in the moment is actually quite hard.

If we could pause in the moment someone asks us and think something like, “I already have this project, which will take roughly this much time. Plus I’ve already committed to these other things that require this much time and energy. So realistically, here’s my capacity and how long it would take for me to complete this new request,” we might make very different choices. But that kind of prospective planning is one of the things executive dysfunction makes very challenging for us.

If building a planning system that actually works with your brain is something you want to dig into further, How to Plan with ADHD (Without Getting Overwhelmed) is a good place to start.

Excitement and Enthusiasm

I want to call particular attention to this third item because I don’t think it gets talked about enough: sometimes overpromising comes from a place of absolute excitement and enthusiasm. Our brains are wired for novelty and interest. When something sounds exciting, we want in. We want to do everything. We want to participate. And that’s a wonderful thing! We often bring a lot of fresh ideas, new perspectives, and full engagement to the things we care about.

The challenge shows up when that excitement pairs with time blindness, and we say yes to three more things without realizing we’ve already committed to seven, and we haven’t paused to break any of them down. We layer commitment on commitment, wanting to show up for all of it, and then reality arrives, and the math doesn’t work.

I want to be clear about this: the enthusiasm and the wanting-to-be-involved are real and valuable. The challenge shows up in the pairing of that enthusiasm with a brain that struggles with both impulsivity and accurately gauging how much we’ve already taken on.

The Snowball From Past Experiences

The fourth reason is a little more complex, and it doesn’t always apply to everyone. For some of us, after a pattern of feeling like we’ve let people down, there’s a tendency to start overcommitting as a way to compensate. We think we need to “make up for” the fact that we’ve already missed the deadline, and we tell ourselves we have to make up for it by doing extra or making sure it’s “perfect.” Of course, this only delays the project timeline further and perpetuates the pattern.

Or maybe we’re already swamped and behind on something for our team, and we’re worried our lead is already annoyed, so when someone asks for help, we volunteer to be a good team player since we’re “dropping the ball” on the other project. Which is nice in theory, but in practice we end up falling further behind on the real priority on our personal list. And that keeps the snowball rolling.

So those four things together (time blindness, difficulty sequencing and planning, absolute enthusiasm, and the pressure to “make up for”) create a setup where this overpromise-underdeliver pattern shows up with some frequency.

If you’ve been carrying these experiences as evidence that something is fundamentally wrong with you, here’s a different frame: your brain has been doing exactly what it was wired to do. Nothing has gone wrong here. And we now get to learn some additional tools to support ourselves so we can agree to projects and set expectations more intentionally.

The Belief Layer: What Story Is Your Brain Telling?

Now that we’ve talked about the why, let’s zoom in on the belief layer, because this is where the real work lives.

When this pattern shows up repeatedly, our brains start drawing conclusions. And those conclusions become the lens through which we interpret everything that comes after.

Cognitive bias plays a big role here, and it’s something all brains have, ADHD and neurotypical brains alike. It’s the reason why, when you start driving a green car, you start noticing how many other green cars are on the road, too. Or when your brain notices your brother-in-law always makes that same not-funny joke, your brain starts collecting that evidence each time he repeats it, and overlooks the times he doesn’t.

The same is true with the beliefs we have about ourselves. Once we have a story about ourselves, our brains start looking for evidence that confirms it. So if the story is “I can’t be trusted to follow through,” the brain will find evidence for that everywhere and actively skip past anything that says otherwise.

Now, is there sometimes truth in that story? Sure. Your brother-in-law has likely made that not-funny joke several times. And yes, you’ve probably been late on a deadline or didn’t finish everything fully. There probably have been times things didn’t go the way you intended. That history deserves acknowledgment. And also, the next question worth asking is: is the story you’re telling yourself the whole truth? Or is your brain offering one angle of something much more complex?

So here’s an invitation: get curious about the story you’re running. When you think about a time you overpromised and underdelivered, or a situation you’ve labeled that way, what does your brain automatically make that mean about you?

Is it “I’m unreliable”? “I just can’t trust myself to ever get things done on time”? Or “People can’t count on me”?

Notice what comes up. That awareness is the starting point.

The Two-Pronged Approach: Equal Airtime

From here, we move into one of my favorite strategies, which is especially effective in situations like this because it helps our brains start to see the full picture.

The strategy is called equal airtime, and the name comes from a requirement that stations must provide opposing political candidates in the U.S. with the same amount of airtime, on similar terms, and at the same cost for paid advertising. There’s certainly more nuance to this, and it only applies to traditional over-the-air broadcast stations, but it’s the “equal time” concept that’s useful here.

If we think about the story we’re telling ourselves, whether it’s that we can’t be trusted, or we never follow through, or we never do things on time, the work is to look at both sides: Side One, where we look at the situations where this pattern has shown up and start to see them with more of the full picture, and Side Two, where we look at where we can be trusted or regularly do follow through. Both matter. Both have something to teach us.

Before we get into Side One, a quick note for anyone who wants to take this work further. If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you’ve probably already done your fair share of learning about how your ADHD brain works. You’ve read the books, tried the planners, tested the systems, and you understand yourself better than you used to. But there’s often still a gap between knowing what to do and living it day to day, and that gap is exactly what private coaching is for.

When we work together one-on-one, we look at what’s underneath the patterns: the overcommitting, the feeling of letting yourself down, the beliefs that have built up over time, and we build supports that actually fit your brain. I work with a small number of private clients at a time, and if this sounds like what you’re looking for, you’re welcome to book a free consultation. No pressure, just a relaxed conversation to see if it’s a fit.

Side One: Where the Overpromising Happened

Step One: List Specific Instances

Think about a situation, or maybe a handful, that your brain labels as overpromising and underdelivering. Maybe the most significant ones that seem to have shaped this belief, or just the most recent ones that are top of mind.

Whatever comes up, write them down. No analysis yet. Just get them out of your head and onto paper.

Step Two: Look at the Full Picture

Start with what actually happened, as factually as possible. This is similar to finding the Situation line of the STEAR map. Start with something like: “I said I’d have my Q2 report done by Friday and I submitted it on Monday at 6:30pm.” The more factual and concrete, the better.

Then notice the thought: what does your brain automatically make that mean? What’s the story your brain has about this? “I’m unreliable.” “I always do this!”

And then comes the equal airtime piece: what else might also be true here? “It’s possible I’m not unreliable, because I also communicated my updated timeline to my boss Friday morning when I knew I needed more time.” Or, “it’s not actually true that I always do this, because I did submit my Q1 report on time.”

The goal is to expand the picture. We’re staying honest throughout. We’re not just thinking toxic positivity thoughts. Instead, we’re looking for a more complete version of what happened.

Step Three: Ask the “What Else” Question

When that situation happened, what did you not yet know?

How long the thing was actually going to take? How many moving pieces there were that used software you had to learn before even starting on the work? Information you were waiting on that hadn’t come through yet?

When we zoom out, we’re often looking at a past version of ourselves who was working with less information, fewer tools, and (if we’re looking at a long list of past experiences) often less understanding of how our brains actually work. We didn’t know that so many of these obstacles were due to an unsupported ADHD brain, and that version of ourselves deserves some compassion.

If perfectionist planning is part of your story here, Take Small Steps digs into the all-or-nothing thinking that often comes with it.

Step Four: Make Space for the Emotion

There might be real emotion in this step. Real disappointment that things went a certain way, that you weren’t able to show up the way you wanted to. That’s allowed to be there.

We want to let ourselves feel the disappointment rather than rush past it, because feeling it is part of how we move it. On the other side of that processing is something closer to acceptance: “I understand why this happened. I can see it more fully now. And I’m ready to learn from it and move forward.”

Think of it a little like making amends with yourself: understanding why it happened, and then releasing it. What if you were just a person doing your best with what you had at the time?

What’s Coming in Part Two

Here’s the invitation between now and Part Two: try this full equal airtime exercise with one situation that comes to mind. Work through Side One, the full picture, the what-else question, the emotion, and then move to Side Two. Where have you followed through? Where did you deliver, or overdeliver? Sit with both sides.

Allow your brain to start seeing yourself more completely.

In Part Two, Episode 366, we’re taking everything we’ve built here and moving into creating practical supports that help you figure out what you actually have capacity for and how to work with your brain so you’re delivering in a way that feels good and sustainable for you.

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