4 Sneaky ADHD Thoughts And How To Rethink Them

When it comes to our ADHD thoughts do you ever think, “I just want to make the right decision,” or “I could probably do a little more,” or “I just want everyone to enjoy themselves?”

If you’re reading this right now, I’m guessing the answer is “yes.”

While these thoughts may not seem noteworthy at first glance, I’d like to suggest otherwise.

In fact, today, I’m here to offer that those seemingly innocent thoughts can actually derail your productivity and hold you back from reaching your goals. 

Yes, really.

But don’t worry.

I explain everything in episode 228 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast.

Tune in today and discover which thoughts to keep on your radar, what to do when they appear, and actionable ways to shift your thinking into something more supportive of your goals.

In Episode #228, 4 Sneaky ADHD Thoughts And How To Rethink Them You Will Discover

• Which sneaky ADHD thoughts to watch out for 
• What to do when these unwelcome thoughts appear
• Actionable ways to shift your thinking into something more supportive

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.   

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript. 

Episode #228: 4 Sneaky ADHD Thoughts And How To Rethink Them (Transcript)

Today we are looking at sneaky thoughts. And before you skip to another episode thinking that it is not going to be an actionable episode that helps you increase your productivity and get stuff done, stay with me.

It’s the sneaky thoughts we’re exploring today that can significantly throw us off track, keep us from following through on the schedule we created for the week, taking the next step on the current project we’re leading at work, or moving forward toward the next milestone in the goal we’ve been working toward all year.

You see, one of the key components that often has us stuck and spinning is some sneaky thought.

In fact, this past week, I found myself repeatedly saying to my clients: “Be careful of that thought. That is your sneaky thought who manages to sneak by unnoticed.”

Since this was such a prominent theme in coaching this past week, I think it’s safe to assume that many of you in the busy awesome community are also navigating similar sneaky stories.

4 Sneaky ADHD Thoughts & How To Rethink Them

So with that in mind, I’m going to share four sneaky thoughts that crept up in my clients’ minds over the past week.

We’ll then explore why these thoughts – even though they seem like perfectly reasonable thoughts – can actually be quite problematic.

Finally, we’ll explore what you might consider instead to shift that thinking into something more supportive for you and your goals.

Sneaky ADHD Thought #1: “I could do more.”

“I could probably do a little bit more.”

“Maybe I should also…”

Meaning “maybe I should also add this, or offer this, or do this.”

I saw this thought come up in so many places, from clients taking on new project proposals and adding more to the agreement to offering to bring additional sides and desserts and décor for their friendsgiving.

Now some of you might be asking, what’s the big deal? It’s nice to do a little more. You’re being a team player. You’re providing a quality product by holding yourself to a high standard. In other words, this thought sounds super positive.

This is where it’s really important to slow down and take a nuanced perspective. Because you’re right, sometimes that thought: “I could do a little more.” Or “maybe I should also do this” could be supportive.  But many times it’s not.

Ask Yourself Why

The first thing to do when you notice yourself thinking you should do more or offer more is ask yourself why.

Why do you think you need to add all of these things into the proposal?

Why do you think you need to bring a side and two desserts and flowers and candles and a bottle of wine to friendsgiving when there are plenty of other people who are also happy to contribute?

Are you doing it because you want to? Or are you doing it because you think you should?

The reason why I want to flag this thought is that, number one, many of us with a later ADHD diagnosis have come to believe that we have to do more, work harder, or strive for perfection to “make up for” our perceived flaws.

If we just do a little more, give a little extra, or work a little harder, we secretly hope people will overlook the fact that we sometimes run late or miss details.

There’s a part of us that thinks that doing a little more will help make up for the last time our impulsivity took over and we accidentally interrupted someone with a new idea before we had the awareness to pause and let them finish their sentence.

We’ve lived so long with the practice of overdoing and “making up for” that the thought sneaks in and just seems like a fact.

Now here’s the deal, wanting to do more does not always indicate this scenario of thinking you need to “make up for your flaws.” This is not true for everyone and certainly not true for every situation.  So if you hear me say this and you’re thinking, I don’t think I need to do more or give more in order to prove myself, amazing! This might not be your sneaky thought.

With that said, I also see this same thought sneak in when we are genuinely excited to do something but we haven’t paused to assess our capacity or how much time we physically have to do the thing.

Sure, you might be super excited about this new project at work. But if it’s 30 hours’ worth of work, and you have 16 hours left in the week, taking on all of the steps is not a feasible plan. You should not do more because you literally don’t have the space for it.

Makes sense? So check in.

• Do you have this sneaky thought floating through your mind?
• Where do you find yourself thinking, “I could probably do a little more.” “Maybe I should also try this, or do that, or offer this.” Check in.
• Do you like your reasons for wanting to do more? If not, challenge yourself to lean back and remind yourself that what you’re doing is enough.

ADHD Thought #2: “I want them to know I’m serious.”

Sneaky thought #2 is a variation on #1, but rather than coming from the energy of enough-ness and whether or not you’ve done enough, it’s more of a proving energy driven by the desire to shape what other people think of you.

The specific thought that came up with a couple of different clients this past week was…

“I just want them to know that I’m really serious about this.”

“I just want to make sure they know I care.”

Again, it sounds on the surface like a lovely thought. I just want them to know I’m serious about this and want them to take me seriously. I want them to know I care.

The biggest challenge: Your brain is sneakily attempting to control the other humans. Your brain is offering this thought error that if you do a certain amount of things or if you show up in a particular way, then you can make other people think a certain way about you.

As I know I’ve shared on the podcast before, we can’t control other people. It’s just not a thing that exists in the world. We can’t control what other people think.

Here’s An Example:

One of my clients signed up for a few volunteer roles in her kids’ school. Now, she also works full-time, so fitting in these additional roles is a stretch.

When I asked her about how these additional roles would fit in her time budget, we realized that they technically don’t fit.

She actually doesn’t have the time in her schedule to do them.

So then we checked in on her reason why she agreed to them in the first place. Why did she feel compelled to add the multiple roles?

She said to me it’s because she wants her kids’ teachers to know that she really cares about her role as a mom. She’s serious about her parenting.

You see, this was the first year she went back to work full-time since having kids, and her own belief was feeling a little shaken. So she took on all of these additional responsibilities thinking that it would prove to the teachers – and herself – that she is very serious about being a mom.

Now of course, there are a lot of layers here. And there is so much space for compassion and love for this important shift that’s happened in her life as her kiddos have moved into full-time school kids.

At the same time, there’s also a beautiful opportunity to get curious about how she wants to define being serious about her parenting. Because there is no blood test you can take to prove you’re a serious parent. That’s not a thing that exists in the world. It’s not a fact. That is a subjective observation.

If you notice some version of this thought in your life…

(And it might not be the same specific thought, “I want them to know I’m serious.”

Instead, it might be something like, “I want them to…

“… know that I’m on top of it.”

“… know that I’m fun to be around.”

“… like me.”

Whatever the thought is for you, start noticing the sneaky thoughts that are so focused on other people and what they think.

Once you identify them, I invite you to turn that thought around and play with it a bit.

If you’re thinking, “I want them to know I’m serious,” check in with yourself.

• How are you taking yourself seriously?
• What’s all the evidence you can find that you ARE taking this seriously?

I’m sure you can find it.

If you’re worried about whether your colleagues think you’re fun to be around or whether they like you, check in with yourself.

• Are you having fun with yourself?
• Do YOU like you?

Once you start to genuinely believe that you ARE super fun to be around, that you ARE on top of it, that you ARE serious about these things that matter to you, and that you DO care, you gradually release that need for other people to see it, too.

You stop feeling that pull to have other people’s approval because you already approve of yourself, which is SO fun. Now you just get to exist as humans working together on a project you all care about, or enjoying one another’s company.

I’m telling you, it’s so much more fun.

Sneaky ADHD Thought #3: “I want to make the right decision.”

The third sneaky thought that I hear coming up time and time again for people is some iteration of “I just want to make the right decision.”

Again, this thought sounds great on the surface. Sure, let’s aim to make an informed decision. I’m all in.

The challenge arises when our black-and-white thinking gets in the way and we convince ourselves that there is only one right decision. And what’s more, once we make the decision that’s it. There’s no turning back. A decision is forever.

When this happens, decisions become very heavy and incredibly serious. Nothing feels light. And because everything feels so big and heavy, we don’t move forward on anything. Instead, we stay stuck.

Now, I am all for doing your due diligence and researching your options so you can make an informed decision.

There is a clear distinction between:

1. Researching a handful of options, choosing the one that is a good fit and meets your needs for this season, and then moving forward on it.
2. Spinning in countless options, and bouncing back and forth between them because you’re convinced that there is one “right” decision and you’re afraid that if you choose the wrong one, you’ll be stuck with it for the rest of your life.

In this latter situation, when we have such a tight grip on making the “right” decision, it’s often because we manage to wrap up so much in it.

It’s no longer a decision of whether to…

• Get this phone or that one.
• Go out to eat or stay in and cook.
• Take the job offer or stay in your current position.

Instead, it becomes so much more. We start believing things like, if I make the wrong decision, then I’ll be so disappointed. I’ll be crushed. If I make the wrong choice, it will ruin my night. Or if I made the wrong decision, I’ll never forgive myself.

We seem to forget that the decision is not what makes us feel disappointed.

We feel disappointed because we’re thinking, “I can’t believe I picked this phone. I should have gone with the upgrade; it’s so much better than this stupid one.” Or “I’m missing out on that incredible meal, and now I’m stuck at home with breakfast for dinner again.” Or “I missed the opportunity of a lifetime passing up that position. What was I thinking?!”

Now we’ve all been here, right? But it’s so important to remember that all of these thoughts are optional. They are not facts.

They are sentences your brain is offering, and you’re believing the story.

Because it could be equally as true that you picked the best phone because it saved you hundreds of dollars, or you don’t actually use any of the fancy add-ons of the upgrade, so they’re completely unnecessary.

It could equally be true that…

Staying in was better for your health, your wallet, and allowed you to connect with your partner.

Your big growth edge was actually in staying in your current role. You already do really well in diving in headfirst to new positions and operating from firefighting mode. So maybe your real growth edge is in choosing to stay in your current position and leveling up your entire team before moving on to the next role.

You get to choose what you want to think. There is no right choice or best choice.

It’s only the choice that you decide is right for you, and it’s entirely in your control to make that so.

Notice if your brain is telling you, I want to make the best choice. I just want to make the right choice. Then remind yourself that you get to decide what that means. You get to decide what is the best choice for you. Then you can set those parameters of what you’re looking for and decide with confidence based on that.

What’s more, you can always change your mind. You don’t have to keep that position or approach forever. You get to make that decision and own it for as long as it supports you.

Sneaky Thought #4: “I just want everyone to be happy.”

The 4th sneaky thought is one that I especially want to highlight at this time of year, which is “I just want everyone to be happy.”

Again, such a beautiful thought. It sounds lovely and supportive and wonderful, but it is also poison because you’re trying to control the uncontrollable.

While it’s safe to say that most of us want everyone to be happy, that thought traps us in this feeling of desperation and gaspiness because we can’t control how other people think and feel.

Just think about how your best friend or your sister has something they absolutely LOVE to do, and it completely lights them up, but if you had to do it for more than 20 minutes, you’d be bored out of your mind. This is not because the thing itself is inherently boring, but because we all have different thoughts about it.

In other words, happiness is a deeply subjective experience. So it doesn’t matter how hard we work to please everyone and make sure everyone has a good time, there is one huge unknown/uncontrollable factor, which his what the other people choose to think.

Now, please don’t hear that I’m saying, “so this means you should act against your values and say whatever you want and don’t give a second thought to what other people might enjoy!”

That’s not what I’m saying.

You can absolutely take into account what people might enjoy. But at the same time, try not to make your definition of a successful holiday or a successful party be that everyone else was happy. Because that is such an impossible hill to climb.

So again, focus on what you can control.

Focus on leaning into your values and who you want to be

If you’re hosting a gathering or a meeting or a party and your brain offers the thought, “I just want everyone to be happy and enjoy themselves.” First turn that thought inward to, “how can I support myself so that I am happy and relaxed and enjoying myself?”

Because let’s be honest, whenever you’ve been to a gathering where the host is relaxed and open and present, isn’t it so much easier to lean in and enjoy the event? It certainly is for me.

• Who do you want to be at this event?
• How do you want to show up?
• How can you want to support yourself and engage with others?
• How do you want to create and experience where you get to connect and share and laugh with everyone?
• How can you go first and lead by example?

Once you have that clear in your mind, then you might expand outward “What could I do to help foster opportunities for connection and laughter and communication?”

But again, notice if your brain starts adding the thought in parenthesis after like “to make sure everyone is happy.”

That’s not the plan.

Instead, you’re focused on what you can control. You’re focused on showing up as the host, the guest, the boss, or the leader you want to be.

I’m telling you, when you learn to let go of needing to control everyone else’s happiness, you free yourself from all of that unnecessary pressure, which ultimately creates more space for greater authentic connections.

Recap & Final Thoughts

So that’s what I have for you today. Here’s a recap of the 4 sneaky ADHD thoughts to watch out for in your daily life…

1. I should probably do a little more or offer additional XYZ.
2. I just want them to know I care, or take me seriously, or know that I have my act together.
3. I just want to make the right decision.
4. I just want everyone to be happy and enjoy themselves.

They’re such innocent-sounding thoughts, but I’m telling you; they can really throw you off your groove if you’re not careful.

So if you notice them, remember there’s no need for judgement.

Instead, get curious about what’s behind them.

See if there might be a slightly different perspective to consider instead. I have a feeling there might be.

Have any other sneaky thoughts that you’d add to the list? I’d love to hear them. Head to Instagram and let me know @imbusybeingawesome. Send me a DM or share your sneaky thought on the post for this episode. I can’t wait to hear about it.