Your Self-Worth Is Not Defined By Your Productivity: Here’s Why

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to unravel those tangled beliefs connecting productivity to self-worth.

I’m ready to step out of the cycle of chasing achievements. And I’m done with equating hustle to success.

Because the truth is this.

There’s nothing you can do to be more worthy. There’s nothing you can do to be less worthy. Because your worth is at 100%. 

It always has been. It always will be.

In episode 215 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, we’re taking a look at these well-worn beliefs and social programming that greater success = more worth.

And we’re turning them upside down and inside out to find what’s true for you.

If you’re ready to step off the hampster wheel of hustle and start defining success on your terms, tune in now. 

You can listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app here.   

Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for the entire podcast transcript. 

In Episode 215: Your Self-Worth Is Not Defined By Your Productivity, You’ll Discover

• That worthiness is a construct (it’s totally made up) 
• 3 key reasons we’re steeped in the belief that productivity equals self worth
• 3 actionable strategies for separating productivity and worthiness in your life

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Episode #215: Your Self-Worth Is Not Defined By Your Productivity: Here’s Why (Transcript) 

I hope you’re ready for mind stretching episode today – or at least, I think it can be quite mind stretching. It’s one that challenges a lot of the beliefs that we’ve likely held for YEARS, probably even decades. This has to do with our beliefs around productivity and self worth. More specifically, how we can start unwinding this connection so many of our brains make.

In our fast-paced world today, so many of us often consider our productivity to be a key measure of success.

Many of us find ourselves constantly chasing after achievements, and intentionally or unintentionally seeking some kind of validation based on our level of productivity or whether or not we did “enough.” 

In fact, I’m guessing that if you listen to this podcast, you likely know these patterns quite well. I certainly do. 

Equating productivity to self-worth can lead to a whole lot of challenges:

• Constant stress
• Overwhelm
• Anxiety
• Greater emotional dysregulation
• and even total burnout

In short, it can really impact our mental health and well-being overall. 

So, today we’re going to explore why so many of us have learned to equate productivity to success and worthiness.

We’re also going to explore a few ways to start loosening our grip on this belief that our productivity determines our worth and decide with intention what we want to believe instead. 

This episode was inspired by a question from one of the members of my small group coaching program, We’re Busy Being Awesome.

I have a private Facebook community just for this cohort where people can post questions and ask for coaching in-between our coaching calls each week, and she posted such a thoughtful question about this topic, which I answered in a Facebook live in the group.

The question was about episode 209:

“Your podcast episode this week on all-or-nothing thinking really resonated with me. Could you speak to the belief of equating our worth with our productivity? Even though I know on some level that my worth as a human being is not equal to my productivity (or similarly, that mistakes don’t equal complete failure), I have a really hard time convincing my brain that this is true. Do you have any suggestions for gently reassuring my brain?” 

I love this question so much, because I think it really sums up the wrestle so many of us have with this very topic.

In the live video, I offered some suggestions to answer her question as well as some of my own personal approaches that I’ve used to help me create some separation between productivity and worthiness in my own brain.

After sharing the video with the group, I realized that many of you listeners might also resonate with her question, so I thought I’d share a portion of what I share in that live video here today. 

Worthiness is a Construct

Now the first point that I think is really critical to highlight and underline and asterisk and bold is that worthiness is a construct.

Worthiness is just an idea.

It’s not something that we can prove or measure.

It’s not a fact.

It does not go in our circumstance line of the model, because there’s no way you can actually prove what worthiness means. It’s just an idea that somebody made up.  

In fact, if you polled 50 different people about what it means to be “worthy” or “enough,” you’d probably get at least 60 different answers.

Worthiness has different qualifiers for everybody. So there’s literally no way that we can decide whether someone is worthy or not or whether or not someone is “enough.”. You can’t take a test to decide if you’re worthy.

You can’t test positive for worthiness! It’s genuinely something you – and everyone else – gets to define for themselves.  

While this might feel a little destabilizing since our black-and-white brains like to have concrete rules, I also think it can also be an important reminder for us to ground ourselves. In fact, I think it can be refreshing to remember that you can’t hustle enough to reach an official place that is worthy. It’s just not possible.

It’s really important to hear this: You can’t do enough or check enough boxes or get enough A+s to reach an official level of worthiness or enough-ness. There is no official definition. 

You get to decide what worthiness or “being enough” means to you

So with this in mind, you could either create your own definition and use that as a checkpoint for yourself.

You can also decide that all humans are inherently worthy and enough simply because they exist on this planet.

Your worthiness is complete, right now.

You can’t do anything else to make you more worthy. And you can’t do anything to make you less worthy. It simply exists because you’re a human on the planet. Full stop. 

Now admittedly, some of your brains might be pushing back against this right now, and that’s absolutely okay. My brain pushed against this concept VERY strongly for a very long time. And it still likes to question it now and again, especially when it comes to the topic of productivity and worthiness.

As I mentioned in the opening question. So wherever you are in regard to this perspective, you’re in the right place. 

Why Do We Connect Worthiness To Productivity?

Today we will explore three key reasons why so many of us grapple with the idea of worthiness and productivity specifically.

I find that this is one of those topics where bringing awareness to the origins of these beliefs and why they’re so ingrained in our society can be very powerful in helping us intentionally release them.

Then, we’ll explore a few ways that you can explore to help you start wiggling those beliefs loose and start separating worthiness from productivity.

Why do so many of us have this connection ingrained into our being?

Why do we tell ourselves, “I’m worthless today” when we aren’t at the top of our game, or “My colleague so and so is so much better than me; they had more sales this quarter,” or  “Today was a total wash; I didn’t get everything checked off my list…”

Meanwhile, we completely ignore:

• Connections we made with people
• Emotions we experienced
• Fun we had
• Things we DID do

Why do we do this? What’s happening here?

Of course, there are so many reasons why. In fact, there are books written about this topic, so I will only scratch the surface here today. But I do want to put these strong beliefs into context with a look at some key contributing factors. 

They may not all speak to your unique situation, but as I share them, I encourage you to notice the ones that do. 

1. Work Culture And Demand For Productivity

In today’s society, there is a strong emphasis on productivity and efficiency.

This is especially true in the workplace, where employees are expected to work long hours and meet demanding deadlines with fewer employees to do the work. When we have more work with fewer people, it almost always requires more hours for those select few.

More generally, this demand on productivity and efficiency can also lead to a culture of busyness, where employees feel like they need to be constantly working in order to be successful, which (not surprisingly) can lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and burnout.

We see this come up in various work settings. Example…

In the corporate world – this can come from clear demands down the chain of command, starting up in the C Suite to the bosses and the managers to the team members.

Academia – where there aren’t necessarily specific quotas to meet unless you’re going up for tenure, but instead, a vague demand for more. You can always be working on the next article, the next book, the next conference talk, etc. You should always be doing more.

For entrepreneurs & freelancers – being driven by hustle culture, which touts the message that you can “sleep when you’re dead.” Again, there is always more one can do, especially in a business when you’re wearing most of the hats yourself. For contractors who are only paid for the hours they work, time literally means money. 

So the work culture generally emphasizes prioritizing work, and of course, work and productivity are great! However, not when it comes at the expense of your well-being and the other priorities in life. It’s not great when it’s taking away from LIVING.

When everyone around you is also on the hampster wheel of more more more, it’s hard to challenge the status quo.

It’s harder to pause and consider, “Surely, there must be another way. Surely we don’t need to constantly do more. Surely there must be a point at which we reach enough.”  

In fact, I was working with one of my clients last week on this very topic.

She is such a rockstar, and she leaned into setting clear work boundaries for herself where she signed off her work messenger at the end of the work day on Friday and didn’t sign back in until the beginning of the work week even though she knew other people on her team were choosing to work that weekend. 

She finished her part of the work on Friday, and she chose to stop working and focus on the other areas of her life.

In doing this, she even inspired a conversation with her other colleagues the following week who WERE working that weekend. They talked about how the team might work ahead a bit further with longer lead times so that weekend sprints become a thing of the past because they have enough time during the weeks to complete the work.

But again, being the person to challenge the status quo and say, “I’m not working on the weekend, even if it the culture for this team,” can be scary.

Let me be clear that I understand there are times when you don’t want to challenge that because of potential repercussions. That is very real, too. That’s not what this episode is about.

What I do want to drive home here: Whether you’re in corporate or not – are likely well-steeped in the corporate messaging loop that demands greater productivity and efficiency, which leads to more time, which gets filled with more work rather than allowing space for downtime and breathing room to prevent burnout.

So that’s category number one that fuels many beliefs around productivity and worth. It’s demanded by many businesses. And the more we get done, the more it’s rewarded and recognized and encouraged, which further reinforces the loop.

2. Social Pressure for More

The second overarching category contributing to the demand for greater productivity and the link between productivity and worth comes from the greater social and cultural pressures around us each day.

There’s often an emphasis on achievements and successes, without the person pausing to share the truth of their struggle and journey along the way.

Because of this, we’re constantly comparing our chapter one to everyone else’s New York Times Best Seller, thinking we should be farther along.

It’s important for us to remember that even if people don’t share it (and they don’t have to!) there always IS that messy middle for everyone.

That is simply part of the process. Even if we can’t see it. 

Similarly, we may notice everyone around us talking about how busy they are, and because of this, we start equating busyness with importance and success and achievement.

Many of our brains then start thinking that in order to be successful, we also have to be busy all the time. What’s more, our brains also start linking the idea that if we’re NOT busy, then we must be – duh, duh, duhhh – lazy. 

That brings me to another overarching social message around productivity and worthiness, especially within the US.

This its roots in Christianity.

Now, despite the fact that there’s technically a separation of church and state, those of us raised in the U.S. are likely well aware of the religious undertones that permeate the culture.

Throughout Christianity, there are many references to the impotence of staying active and avoiding idleness.

Just think of that familiar phrase, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” right?

Whether or not you were raised in a Christian faith or not, I think it’d be challenging to escape that messaging entirely if you live within the United States. Of course, this is a much more nuanced conversation, and I cdon’t have the qualifications or experience to speak for anyone but myself. But I can certainly trace that messaging all over our culture. And that messaging runs deep.

Social Media Also Attributes To This Message

The other obvious key element when it comes to the social pressure to do more and achieve more, and stay productive in today’s society is social media generally.

We’re essentially taking this messaging that permeates work culture and our society’s focus on achievement and success generally, and we’re then putting a giant magnifying glass on it with social media.

We’re seeing everyone’s successes magnified and celebrated with perfectly curated highlight reels. 

Not only do we see our colleagues, relatives, neighbors or immediate friend group as a basis for comparison, but now our brain has – essentially – the entirety of the world at the touch of a button sharing their curated highlight reels, too.

That’s a lot for our overstimulated all-or-nothing brains to contend with. And it’s easy to slip into believing you’re not doing enough, you should do more, and you’re falling behind.. 

3. Personal Pressure and Relationships

This brings us to the third overarching category, and in this group, I’m including our own personal pressure we put on ourselves as well as our past experiences and earlier upbringing. 

Now, I want to make sure I stay in my lane here as your coach. I am not a therapist, so I’m not going to talk a whole lot about earlier childhood experiences except to say that what you were taught to value or what you saw modeled as being valuable or important when you were growing up likely shaped what you value or don’t value today.

This makes sense, right?

The brain was especially sponge-like when we were young as it was quickly learning and absorbing messaging, and these values we learned early on often became well-worn neural pathways.

If you saw hard work and achievement modeled for you, and you had clear expectations that you needed to meet these high bars, too, it’s a good chance that you hold similar expectations for yourself now as well. 

I’m going to remind us to practice our cognitive flexibility here and – again – remember that it’s not all bad.

I love that I was raised with the value of hard work. This isn’t necessarily a problem. But sometimes, we might forget about the other values that help create the kind of life we want.

Instead, we slip into black-and-white thinking, and we focus only the one or two values of producing and achieving, forgetting about the other things that matter a lot to us. And suddenly, life starts to feel…a whole lot less fun. 

I know for myself, I would find myself thinking, “I feel like I’m missing the point right now – I keep working and doing and checking things off the list, but so what? It seems like I’m missing some puzzle pieces.”

And I was, because I allowed the values of hard work and productivity to eclipse everything else, and I was missing out on other things I valued like fun, play, relationships, connection, etc. 

Notice the stories you’re telling yourself about always needing to do better or be better.

What if that’s not true? (Because, spoiler, it’s not) You do not need to do more or be better to be “worthy.” 

Again, as a reminder of the first point I made in this episode, worthiness is a construct that someone made up, and we get to define what that means for ourselves. No amount of doing or achieving will check the box to make you worthy. 

There is no level of perfection that will check that box. Material wealth or a financial benchmark won’t check that box. A certain position in a company, or material possession you can buy won’t check that box.

None of those things actually matter. 

Now, I’m not saying you can’t work toward those things. If you WANT to – if it’s a full body yes, then heck yes! I’m on board right there with you.

Do it if you want to. But do so because it’s fun.

Do so because it challenges you and allows you to learn new skills and try new things, and that lights you up.

Please also remember that reaching that goal or achieving that promotion or checking the things off your list, or 10xing your productivity won’t touch your worthiness EVER. It literally can’t.

So if you’re taking on these extra things just to feel like you’ve “done enough,” I invite you to pause and question that.

How Do We Separate Self-Worth and Productivity?

So then what? 

Maybe you’re hearing me say these things, and you get the idea intellectually, but you’re still wondering how the heck to genuinely get on board with it.

How can you start separating that connection between productivity, achievement, and worthiness?

As I mentioned, this is definitely a journey, and it’s one I’m still on myself at times. And that’s okay. Sometimes I think it’s the lesson I was put on this earth to learn in every way imaginable.

You may feel similarly, or you may have another lesson that seems to circle back repeatedly. Just know that if you DO have a lesson that loves to show up in different situations, it’s okay. Nothing has gone wrong here. 

This work of self-coaching is kind of like weight lifting.

Just because you do it once doesn’t mean you’re super strong forever. In fact, you need to lift those weights several times, over multiple days to start building strength, and you need to stick with lifting those weights to maintain that strength. But also, it gets easier each time you do it.

The same is true with some of these well-worn thought patterns.

We may need to practice our new beliefs, and we may need to do several reps to help us separate the story of worthiness from productivity, but that’s okay. The more we practice it, the easier it gets to genuinely believe it and know it is true for you.

And if we take a few weeks off from the gym, if we step away from our new practices –  we may notice some of those older thoughts sneak back. Again, not a problem.

We know what to do; we know which weights to lift to build up that strength. 

Separating Self-Worth From Productivity

Now I think the work of separating productivity from self-worth – as I’ve mentioned throughout the podcast – is quite layered.

A person could probably create an entire podcast – not just one episode – dedicated to the topic.

But today, I invite you to explore three things to get you started in learning how to question and then separate worth or enough-ness from how much work you do each day.

For now, Considering these 3 things

1. Who are you outside of your work?

I invite you to pause and really examine this question.

If you were asked to introduce yourself without talking about what you do or anything related to your work, what would you share?

Challenge your brain to identify and appreciate these other key parts of you as equally valuable to the workerbee parts. 

2. Redefine Success

Let’s experiment with redefining success by deciding intentionally what it means to you.

I think it’s safe to assume that most people listening to this podcast want to feel successful or accomplished or fulfilled at the end of the day.

Right now, many of us look to our to-do lists for information or validation of whether or not we can feel successful.

Using this as your unit of measurement is totally optional, did you know this?  This is just one way we might think about success. 

You could also define a successful day on literally anything else.

• The sun coming up
• Meeting someone new when you were out and about
• How many times you laughed
• The time you spent in the sunshine
• Connecting with someone you loved
• Getting enough sleep
• Reading a few pages from the library book
• Making intentional time for fun

You literally get to decide what success means to you.

So why not try choosing something other than checking things off your to-do list? What might that look like?

3. Practice Using Your New Measure Of Success

I invite you to practice using your new measure of success each day this week.

You can use the same measurement – maybe it’s a successful day if you laugh out loud more than once. 

Or you can switch it up each day where Monday you measure by laughter and Tuesday you measure by making time for fun.

The main guideline is to measure your success by something OTHER THAN productivity each day this week, and allow yourself to feel that sense of accomplishment. Show your brain there is another way to think about it. 

And see what happens.

Notice if there are shifts and how it feels to experience that sense of achievement in a new way, or notice if there’s a lot of resistance from your brain. Notice if it’s difficult to step into a new way of seeing success. Either way is great data to work with.

Next Steps

If you find you want to take the work further and learn how to make that separation between productivity and worth for your brain, then I invite you to check out my small group coaching program, We’re Busy Being Awesome. And if it sounds like a great fit for you, you can add your name to the waitlist so you’re the first to know when the next cohort begins. 

In the meantime, pop over to Instagram and let me know how you’re measuring success today.

Alright, my friends, that will do it for us this week.

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