ADHD Mental Fatigue or Resistance? How to Know Which One You’re Experiencing

Have you ever felt that heaviness in your brain where no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to start your planned tasks? You might wonder: What’s actually happening here? Is this simply resistance to starting, or is it genuine ADHD mental fatigue?

One of the most challenging yet frequently overlooked aspects of living with an ADHD brain is distinguishing between when to push through resistance and when it’s truly better to rest.

In episode 327 of I’m Busy Being Awesome, I share a simple yet powerful question I use with myself and my clients to determine exactly that. This isn’t about pushing harder or doing more—it’s about making choices that feel genuinely aligned with your needs. Below, you’ll find the complete conversation along with key insights to help you recognize the difference for yourself.

In Episode 327, You Will Discover:

• How ADHD capacity and energy fluctuate, and why it matters
• What the push–pull dilemma feels like (and why both rest AND resistance can feel true)
• One guiding question to help you choose the option you truly need

ADHD Mental Fatigue or Resistance? How to Know Which One You’re Experiencing (Transcript)

One of the most impactful, yet often overlooked, aspects of working with an ADHD brain is understanding our energy and capacity. We don’t have a steady stream of executive functioning every day. Instead, our energy levels rise and fall, sometimes dramatically.

There are days when our executive functions are firing on all cylinders, and we can get an incredible amount done. And there are other days when those functions simply don’t show up to work at all.

As I’ve talked about in many episodes, and most specifically in episode 287, ADHD Energy Type, many ADHD brains tend to run like thoroughbreds rather than workhorses.

When we have energy and focus, we can run really hard, accomplish a lot, and get a ton of work done in a relatively short period of time. This is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s how many of our brains operate best.

But there’s also a catch. Just like a thoroughbred after a race, we also need to rest hard on the other side of that sprint. Where things get tricky is that we often don’t allow ourselves that recovery time. Instead of resting and recharging after a big push, we try to keep running. And that’s when burnout sneaks in.

Energy awareness is really about noticing: how much fuel do I have in the tank right now? Have I just run a race? Or do I have the reserves to push through resistance and get into flow?

The Push–Pull Dilemma: Rest or Push Through?

This brings us to what I think of as the push–pull dilemma. As ADHDers, we often have to get brutally honest with ourselves about what’s really going on.

Sometimes, what we’re experiencing is resistance. It’s our toddler brain throwing a tantrum. It doesn’t want to do the hard thing, and it digs in its heels. In those cases, the most supportive choice is to lean in, embrace the discomfort, and trust that once we start, we’ll find our flow.

In fact, I was just saying to a client the other day, “We need to choose our difficulties. We can either be uncomfortable on the front side of the work, lean in, do the hard thing, and then feel accomplished on the other side. Or we skip the thing in the moment, feel instant relief, and then face potential frustration or overwhelm thinking about the unfinished task later.” Both choices make sense in different situations, which is what makes the decision so tricky.

On the other side of the coin, it might not be resistance at all. It could be genuine ADHD mental fatigue. And yet, because so many of us have learned to survive in a world that is not designed for ADHD brains, our default response is often, “I just need to push harder. I just need to do a little more.”

This is where the push–pull dilemma shows up. Do I start the project even though my brain is saying no? Is it just resistance to the discomfort of starting something unfamiliar or tedious? Or do I honor my exhaustion and rest? Does my system actually need a restorative break?

Do I keep working late into the evening because I think I should push through? Or do I trust that stopping now, leaving breadcrumbs for tomorrow, is the better choice?

This push–pull dilemma is where so many of us get stuck. Both options can seem helpful and accurate at the same time. And it can be incredibly hard to know which is which in the moment.

Why There’s No One-Size-Fits-All Answer

Here’s the challenging part: there is no universal rulebook for when to push and when to rest. What’s “right” depends not only on the person, but also on the situation, the task at hand, and even the season of life you’re in. And sometimes, the answer can shift from one day to the next.

One day, pushing through the initial discomfort might be exactly what helps you get into flow and make progress. On another day, pushing might tip you into burnout because your system is already depleted. The same strategy will not always apply, even for the same person.

That’s why learning to check in with yourself is so important. Ask yourself questions like:

• How long have I been running this current mental race?
• Have I had time to recharge recently?
• Am I noticing signs of mental fog, irritability, or mistakes creeping in?
• Or is this more of a resistance that will likely fade once I get moving?

The goal here isn’t perfection. It’s not about always making the “right” call. It’s about building awareness and honesty with yourself so you can make a choice that supports both your present self and your future self. And I genuinely believe this is a skill that gets easier the more you practice it.

The Guiding Question That Cuts Through the Noise

So how do we actually practice recognizing the difference between resistance and ADHD mental fatigue? For me, it comes down to one simple, powerful tool.

It is a guiding question that I use with myself and with my clients:

Which option is the kind option? Which option is an act of kindness to myself?

This question helps cut through the noise of guilt, obligation, or habit. It shifts the focus from “shoulds” to genuine self-support.

Sometimes kindness looks like leaning in, reminding yourself you can do hard things, and moving through the resistance by regulating your emotions so you can get to the other side. That is the choice of doing the hard thing.

Other times, kindness looks like permission to stop, to rest, and to give your brain and body the recharge they need.

There is no wrong answer here. The key is to slow down long enough to sit with the question and really listen to your body and your brain. Pay attention to your nervous system. Which option feels like love? Which choice will support both your present and future self? That is the one to go with.

Modeling the Strategy in Real Time

This week, I’m modeling this strategy in real time. Because as I record this episode, I’m tired. I’ve been running a long thoroughbred race, working hard, staying focused, and moving through a busy stretch. And at this point, I’m ready for rest. By the time this episode comes out, I’ll have wrapped up the season quite a while ago, but right now, in real time, I’m feeling it.

And it makes sense. I knew I’d be running a long race. I signed up for it, knowing I have my quarter three retreat coming at the end of this week, which will give me space to recharge. But in this exact moment, when I sat down to create this episode, I felt the push–pull dilemma in full force.

Part of me wanted to push through: outline a long, detailed episode, do more research, and deliver a bigger process. The other part of me knew I was stretched thin, and that the kind choice for both my present and future self was to keep things short and simple.

So that’s exactly what I’m doing. Instead of pushing myself past my capacity, I’m modeling the guiding question in action. I asked myself, “Which option is the kind option?” And today, the answer is to record a shorter, simpler episode that both shares where I’m at and, hopefully, gives you a simple way to do the same.

By choosing the kind option, I’m honoring the energy I have without pushing harder, while still being able to show up here with you.

And I hope that by learning this one simple question, you’re able to do the same in one area of your life where you might be feeling stretched thin, especially knowing that this episode is coming out at the end of October, right before the holiday season kicks in with full effect.

What is the kind choice? Sometimes kindness means leaning in. Sometimes it means stepping back. And both choices are valid when they’re made with awareness and self-compassion.

Invitation to ADHD Listeners

So here’s my invitation to you this week. The next time you find yourself in that push–pull dilemma, pause. Take a breath. And ask yourself: Which option is the kind choice for me right now? Sit with yourself as you find the answer.

Once you do, go all in on that decision. If kindness looks like leaning in and doing the hard thing, put in supports, reduce the friction, and feel proud of yourself for moving through the discomfort as you shift into the work you know you want to do.

If kindness looks like rest, honor that fully. Give yourself permission to step back, recharge, tend to your needs, and come back with renewed strength and clarity.

Here’s the truth: when you choose with kindness, you are supporting both your current self and your future self. You are showing your brain that you can be trusted to listen, to honor what it needs, and to follow through on that decision.

So this week, I invite you to practice asking yourself: What’s the kind choice today? And see what shifts for you.

Remember, you’re busy being awesome, and I’ll talk to you next week.

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Resources From This Episode:

• Free Quiz: Discover your ADHD Overwhelm 🎉
• Episode 287: ADHD Energy Type

More ADHD Resources:

• Discover my favorite ADHD resources
• Learn my Top 10 Tips to Work With Your ADHD Brain
• Access the I’m Busy Being Awesome Planning System
• Get the I’m Busy Being Awesome Podcast Roadmap
• Free course: ADHD Routine Revamp

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