The Link Between the ‘Insecure Overachiever’ and ADHD

How often do you find yourself hustling, achieving, crossing things off the list… and still feeling like it’s somehow not enough? No matter how much you do, there’s this quiet pressure in the background saying, “You have to keep going. You haven’t earned your rest yet.”

If you’ve ever felt that invisible push, please know you are so not alone. That is a message my ADHD brain navigates daily.

Today in Episode 306 of the I’m Busy Being Awesome podcast, we’re talking about it. Specifically, we’re taking a look at this sense of always needing to do more.

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app. Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for a summary of the key takeaways.

In Episode 306 You Will Discover:

• What the insecure overachiever is
• Why ADHD brains could be especially vulnerable to falling into this pattern
• How it might be showing up in your life
• How we can begin to loosen our grip on it, with compassion, curiosity, and support

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Episode 306: The Link Between the ‘Insecure Overachiever’ & ADHD (Transcript)

The inspiration for today’s episode comes from one of my favorite writers, Oliver Burkeman. He sent out a piece in his recent newsletter titled Be a Disappointment — and honestly?

Burkeman doesn’t specifically write about ADHD, but if you’re part of this Busy Awesome community, I’m willing to bet his words will land hard for you, too.

In this article, he offers a description of a personality type I’d never heard phrased quite this way before: the insecure overachiever.

Here’s how he describes it:

“You’re the sort who works hard, gets stuff done, and impresses others with your achievements – but that to some degree, for whatever combination of reasons to do with upbringing, culture, or DNA, you do it all because you feel that otherwise you won’t quite have earned your right to exist on the planet.”

Come. On. I mean — if you’re anything like me, that hits hard.

I know that story. I’ve lived that story.

I see it show up again and again in my clients — brilliant, capable humans who feel like they’re always behind, who carry this invisible pressure to constantly prove their worth by doing more.

This belief — that we have to earn our place by doing, achieving, pushing — it drives so much of what we experience:

• The perfectionism
• The people-pleasing
• The calendar that never has enough room
• The guilt when we try to rest
• The voice that says, “You haven’t done enough to stop yet.”

Not because there’s something wrong with us. Not because we’re lazy or not disciplined enough, but because our brains — especially with ADHD in the mix — have been navigating a world that wasn’t built for how we operate.

Because my friend, you are already enough.

Let’s discuss further…

What Is an Insecure Overachiever?

The term “insecure overachiever” was first studied by Professor Laura Empson — she’s a senior research fellow at Harvard Law School who spent years looking at the world of high-pressure, elite professional environments. What she found was fascinating.

She noticed that a lot of the top performers in these spaces had something in common.

Yes, they were ambitious. Yes, they were capable. But underneath all that success? There was this deep, often hidden, feeling of not being enough.

At their core, these individuals were pushing themselves not just to succeed, but to prove they deserved to exist in those spaces in the first place.

It wasn’t just about doing well. It was about earning their place, proving their worth through achievement.

Bringing it back to ADHD and real life

And listen — even if we’re not working in consulting or finance, even if we’re navigating different industries or different seasons of life — that feeling?

That belief that we have to do more and be more just to be enough?

That shows up everywhere. And while I won’t say it’s the case for all ADHD brains, because I don’t believe that’s true. I will say it’s likely the case for most of the people with ADHD brains and ADHD tendencies in this busy awesome community.

When we grow up with ADHD brains, it’s so easy to internalize the idea that we have to overachieve just to break even.

We hear that we’re…

• “Not living up to our potential”…
• Too scattered
• Too sensitive
• Too much or not enough in all the wrong ways

We learn to outrun criticism, we learn to mask and we learn to push ourselves beyond the point of burnout — all while convincing the world (and sometimes ourselves) that everything’s fine.

When we talk about insecure overachievement, I think about it like a survival strategy. This is a way our brains and bodies have learned to navigate a world that didn’t always understand or support how we move through it.

If this is sounding familiar, I want to pause right here and say, there’s nothing wrong with you and nothing broken that needs fixing.

Why ADHDers Fall Into The Pattern of ‘Insecure Overachiever’

First, let’s look at why I think ADHD brains, in particular, are especially vulnerable to this pattern — and what it really costs us.

First Layer: Rejection Sensitivity

For a lot of us with ADHD, even casual criticism can hit like a gut punch. It’s not just “feedback” — it can feel like a full-on threat to our sense of belonging or worth.

So what do we do?

We start working harder.

We overachieve.

We try to stay ahead of any possibility of rejection by doing more, better, faster.

Because if we’re impressive enough, maybe nobody will notice the parts of us we’re afraid aren’t “enough.”

If we keep doing more, then we’ll hopefully hide any areas someone might otherwise criticize.

Second Layer: Masking and Overcompensating

Another layer is masking and overcompensating, especially if we were diagnosed later in life — or maybe not at all.

We’ve often spent years trying to hide the parts of us that didn’t seem to “fit.”

We became experts at pretending we were “fine.”

• At staying late to finish what others finished easily.
• At triple-checking everything to catch the mistakes we were so scared to make.

Like a duck in water, we found ways to glide relatively smoothly above the surface, but underneath, our feet are constantly flailing about.

We learned to survive by blending in while also working 10x as hard to do so. And often, that blending looked like overachievement.

Many of us with ADHD have found ways to manage our symptoms so well — through hard work, overpreparing, and adapting — that from the outside, everything can look fine.

In fact, that’s one of the reasons so many are overlooked in the diagnosis process earlier on.

• We might be thriving in our careers.
• Managing households.
• Earning degrees.
• Checking the boxes.

But inside? Again, it can feel like we’re barely keeping it together. As we know, outward success doesn’t erase the internal work, the overwhelm, or the exhaustion.

Third Layer: Perfectionism

Then there’s perfectionism — this deep-down belief that if we’re not exceptional, we’re not enough.

It’s the voice that says:

• “It’s not good enough yet — keep going.”
• “You can’t stop until it’s perfect.”
• “If you make a mistake, everything will fall apart.”

Sometimes, perfectionism doesn’t just show up after we start. It shows up before we even begin — what we often call front-end perfectionism.

That might sound like:

• “I can’t start until I have the perfect plan.”
• “I need to research a little more first — I’m not ready yet.”
• “What if I pick the wrong thing? I need to make sure I set everything up the right way.”

It’s that feeling of needing everything to be lined up just right before we can even take the first step.

Whether it’s front-end perfectionism — holding us back from starting — or back-end perfectionism — keeping us stuck in endless polishing and tweaking — the result is the same:

We stay stuck… exhausted, and we keep reinforcing the belief that what we are right now isn’t enough.

Fourth Layer: People-Pleasing

Right alongside perfectionism is people-pleasing. That fear that if we don’t show up the right way — if we say no, or set a boundary, or ask for what we need — we’ll lose connection, approval, or belonging.

So we say yes. We take on more. We push through even when we’re overwhelmed — because we don’t want to let anyone down.

Just like perfectionism, people-pleasing keeps adding to the invisible weight we carry:

• The calendar that never has enough room
• The guilt when we try to rest
• The endless cycle of “just one more thing” before we give ourselves permission to stop

It’s a cycle that feels safer in the short-term…but it slowly drains us over time.

7 Signs You Might Be an Insecure Overachiever

I want to pause and give us a chance to check in, because sometimes we hear all of this and think,

“Yeah, but is this really me? Is this really a thing? Maybe it is for others, but I genuinely think I need to do a little more. Look how far behind I am on everything!”

So let’s get curious, not judgmental, and notice if any of these signs sound familiar.

You might be navigating insecure overachievement if you notice these signals:

1. Feel like you have to earn your rest —and further, than you never to, regardless of what you complete.
2. Regularly receive praise and recognition — but still feel behind or inadequate.
3. Have a calendar so packed it feels like there’s no room to breathe — but saying no feels even scarier.
4. Rest feels uncomfortable. Like you have to “justify” it by getting enough done first.
5. Even when you accomplish something big, the celebration window is tiny — if it exists at all —and you’re already onto the next thing.
6. You’re juggling everything, but it’s taking everything you have to keep it up.
7. Success doesn’t make you feel secure — it just raises the bar for what’s “expected” next time.

If you notice yourself in a few or a lot of these patterns, it doesn’t mean you’re failing, or that you’re doing life wrong. It means you’ve been living in survival mode. You’re working overtime to prove your worth — maybe without even realizing it.

Insecure Overachiever vs. Imposter Syndrome

And as we’re talking about all of this, you might be wondering: “Wait — is this just impostor syndrome?”

It’s such a great question — and there’s definitely some overlap — but they’re a little different.

Insecure overachievement is about this deep drive to constantly earn our worth by doing more, achieving more, pushing harder.

It’s that hamster wheel of proving we deserve our place — over and over again.

Imposter syndrome, on the other hand, is that feeling that even after we succeed — even after we get the promotion, launch the business, finish the degree — we still believe it wasn’t really us —that we managed to fool everyone.

• Or we think it was luck.
• Or timing.
• Or a mistake.
• And we’re terrified someone’s going to find out we’re a fraud.

So while they both grow from this root of “not enoughness” —

• Insecure overachievement says, “I have to keep earning my place.”
• Imposter syndrome says, “I didn’t deserve the place I already earned.”

And for a lot of us? Yeah. We’re navigating both. This makes it even more important that we talk about how to start loosening our grip on these stories, with compassion and with support.

Because again, if we learned these patterns to survive, we can also learn to move through them differently.

5 Ways To Overcome Insecure Overachiever Tendencies

Let’s gently introduce the strategies, and while this is deep work — and it’s not about flipping a switch overnight — there are steps we can start practicing, one little layer at a time.

Here are a few ideas to try…

1. Name the Pattern

Before we can shift anything, we have to see it. So when you notice yourself saying “just one more thing” before you can rest… Or feeling like you have to say yes because you “should”…

Pause. And name it.

“Oh, that’s my insecure overachiever brain talking.”

Naming it helps us create just a little bit of distance.

A little more awareness.

This is the first step toward change.

2. Focus on Progress

Perfection is sneaky. It tells us that unless it’s flawless, it doesn’t count.

Progress, on the other hand, reminds us:

• Done is better than perfect.
• Forward is better than frozen.

When you catch yourself getting stuck in front-end or back-end perfectionism, ask this:

• “What would a 70% version look like today?”
• “What’s one small step forward — even if it’s messy?”

3. Get Support

We are not meant to figure this out alone. Coaching, therapy, supportive communities — even just one trusted person to talk to — can make a huge difference.

Sometimes the most powerful thing is simply having someone reflect back to you: “You’re doing enough. You are enough. Right now. Without doing another thing.”

4. Practice Small Acts of “Disappointment” (ala Oliver Burkeman)

This idea came directly from by Oliver Burkeman and his beautiful piece Be a Disappointment, which sparked this whole conversation today.

Sometimes, healing means letting someone down a little bit — on purpose.

It means:

• Not answering the email immediately.
• Saying no to an extra project.
• Stopping when you said you would, even if everything isn’t perfectly finished.

It means practicing tiny acts of “disappointment” in low-stakes ways — and realizing the world doesn’t actually end.

You’re still safe. You’re still worthy. You’re still enough.

Each time you do it, you build a little more trust in yourself — and loosen that old, exhausting grip of overachievement.

5. Choose Rest and Trust

This might be the hardest one, and the most powerful.

Rest — before you earn it. Trust — before you check every single box.

Practice telling yourself:

• “I am allowed to stop now.”
• “I don’t have to do more.”
• “This is enough.”
• “I am enough.”

And listen — this is a practice. You may be physically cringing at what I’m saying in this episode, and that’s okay. All I ask is that you consider it. And remind your brain that — like everything —we start small and make changes through iteration.

It’s not a one-and-done. It’s a slow unlearning, a slow remembering — that your value isn’t something you have to earn.

It’s something you inherently have.

And every small act of kindness you offer yourself is a vote for that truth.

So, my friend, if there’s one thing I hope you take away from today’s episode, it’s this:

You are already enough.

You don’t have to prove it by doing more.

You don’t have to hustle your way into worthiness.

You already belong — exactly as you are.

And I know — remembering that can feel hard sometimes. Especially when the world around us sends a very different message. That’s why this work — this practice of loosening our grip, choosing rest, building trust in ourselves — it matters so much.

Not just once. Not just today. But over and over, as a way of being on our own side.

Next Steps

If you’re ready to work on this at a deeper level — if you want support as you untangle these old patterns and build something more sustainable for your brain and your life — I would love to help.

This is the kind of work we dive into together in coaching:

• Building systems that actually support you
• Redefining what success looks like for you
• And practicing the radical, powerful shift of trusting that its enough

👉 If that sounds like something you’re ready to do, you can learn more about coaching with me both 1:1 and in small groups through the link in the show notes or head to imbusybeingawesome.com/coaching.

✨ Grab my ADHD Prioritization Workbook to help you focus on the right things. It includes 7 days of templates and top prioritization tips. Access HERE!

Links From The Podcast

• Learn more about private coaching here
• Learn more about We’re Busy Being Awesome here
• Get the top 10 tips to work with your ADHD brain (free ebook!)
• Discover my favorite ADHD resources
• Get the I’m Busy Being Awesome Planning System
• Get the I’m Busy Being Awesome Podcast Roadmap
• Take my free course, ADHD Routine Revamp
• Read the Oliver Burkeman piece here
• Subscribe to his newsletter here

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Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcasting app. Prefer to read? No problem! Keep scrolling for a summary of the key takeaways.